PETA Denounces Aaron, Moses For Cruelty To Serpents

Hebrew officials dismissed the PETA allegations.

Memphis, December 13 – A leading organization advocating for better treatment of animals has criticized the Hebrew leadership for abuse of snakes, citing a confrontation with Pharaoh’s sorcerers in which the creatures were transformed into staffs and vice versa, only to be swallowed alive in the end.

A statement by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals called the behavior of Moses and Aaron “barbaric,” and demanded that the Israelites distance themselves from the further practice of cruelty towards animals in their efforts to achieve liberation.

“As noble as self-determination and freedom from subjugation can be, they must not come at the expense of our fellow creatures,” the statement warned. “All creatures have an equal right to life and dignity, and their exploitation for human purposes constitutes a moral failure.”

PETA criticized Moses and Aaron directly, but avoided frontal confrontation with Pharaoh’s sorcerers, who were merely attempting to counter the Israelite leaders’ wonders with their own. “While we take a negative view of the entire episode, it must be emphasized that the entire affair was initiated by Moses and Aaron using a snake, not by the royal sorcerers.”

Hebrew officials dismissed the PETA allegations. “It’s more than a little suspicious that this is what the organization finds to criticize, while they’ve been silent for generations in the face of Egyptian cruelty to us and our families,” remarked Amram ben Kehat, a tribal elder. “It wouldn’t surprise me if the organization gets funding from the palace. Its pronouncements must be taken with a hefty grain of salt, if not outright incredulity.”

Other PETA critics have noted the group’s reticence on rampant animal abuse in Pharaoh’s chariot and cavalry corps. “The royal charioteers have been raising, breeding, and training horses since time immemorial, but we hear not a peep from PETA about exploitation, confinement, or other types of mistreatment,” retorted Nahshon ben Aminadav of the tribe of Judah. “So they have zero credibility coming in now, when we want to assert our independence and sovereignty under God, and suddenly declaring our methods unworthy. We better not hear anything out of them from this point forward, unless they can get their act together and be consistent in calling out animal abuse. I can see them denouncing all the negative effects our efforts and divine assistance will wreak on animals, or the ways they will be used’ and ‘exploited’ in the process, but not uttering a word against Egypt. As far as I’m concerned they can go jump in the Sea of Reeds.”

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