Pharisees Rid Seder Of Man Who Miraculously Produces Loaves Forbidden On Passover

“It’s not really our business what the Romans to do him,” shrugged a man named Philip. “At this point we can wash our hands of the incident.”

Jerusalem, March 28 – A group of Jewish sages narrowly avoided violation of a strict Biblical precept last night when they managed to expel from their festival meal a person known for his capacity to conjure bread, the possession of which the book of Exodus proscribes during the weeklong holiday observance.

Quick thinking on the part of one participant of the Seder – the evening meal on the night of the Passover festival – resulted in a Roman patrol seizing the dangerous man and removing him from the building before he could miraculously introduce leavened bread, the consumption of which during Passover is so severe that the Bible establishes spiritual excision as its consequence.

“That was close,” breathed the evening’s hero, a man named Judah. “That Yeshua fellow could have done a reprise of his feat from that wedding not so long ago, and that would have been horrible. None of us wanted to say anything to him directly, because he’s kind of unstable and has scary powers – once he glared at a fig tree and caused it to wither immediately because it hadn’t produced fruit when he came by – and it wasn’t even fig season! So you can imagine how relieved we were when a group of troops came by and we quickly came up with a way to get rid of him. Who knows what might have happened otherwise?”

“Judah’s just being modest,” insisted Simon. “There was no ‘we’ about it, but of course it’s sweet of him to assign group responsibility to the incident. In any case, we definitely dodged an arrow there. You never know when a maverick like that is going to flex on the rest of us with some loaves and fishes action, so it was great for Judah to be so vigilant and quick-thinking about it.”

“We’re all glad Judah nailed him,” agreed Yohanan. “But it’s unclear how we’re going to prevent it from happening again, and, for that matter, whether anyone will be vigilant enough next time or the time after that to help us avoid a serious sin. If we disregard his commandments, God gets very cross. Even though, or perhaps because, we are all His sons.”

Attendees of what they are already calling That Last Supper acknowledged they have given only marginal thought to the fate of Yeshua. “It’s not really our business what the Romans to do him,” shrugged a man named Philip. “At this point we can wash our hands of the incident.”

Please support our work through Patreon.
Buy In The Biblical Sense: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B92QYWSL