Police Allege Conspiracy To Make Israel Safest Place In Mideast For Arabs

“It takes considered, calculated forethought to perpetrate this kind of policy.”

Jerusalem, October 15 – A police investigation has uncovered what officials say is convincing evidence that Israel is attempting to develop and maintain its status as the safest place in the region for Arabs to live, a spokesman for the police force said today.

With a robust free press, universal suffrage, socialized healthcare, the strongest and largest economy in the Middle East, antidiscrimination legislation, freedom of religion, the longest average lifespan of all its neighbors, and a standard of living across all demographics far above those of the nearby countries, Israel is posed to remain the most secure and comfortable country in the region for Arabs, the police claim, alleging that this status is the result of an intentional, century-long attempt to establish and maintain a thriving state in which even ethnic minorities enjoy political freedom and physical safety.

Commissioner Yochanan Danino pointed to the existence of several independent Arab parties with representation in the Knesset, an Arab judge on the High Court, and thousands of Arabs voluntarily serving in the IDF, as incriminating evidence that Israel has knowingly and consistently conspired to provide a stable, democratic society for all of the country’s Arab residents. “This conspiracy to maintain a democracy that includes the non-Jewish population of the country, even though they represent little more than one-fifth of the citizens, can only be the result of a premeditated course of action on the part of successive governments and national institutions,” charged Danino. “This willful scheme goes all the way to the highest echelons of government and society.”

“These are serious charges, and Israel has plenty of explaining to do vis-à-vis the safety and security of Arabs within its borders compared to the situation Arabs face anywhere else in the region,” said legal expert Isis Tali-Bann. “It takes considered, calculated forethought to perpetrate this kind of policy, especially when no one else in the Middle East is even trying to do so. It’s simply not an acceptable norm here, and the police may have put their finger on exactly what’s going on.”

Tali-Bann referred reporters to current events in neighboring Syria and Iraq, where wholesale slaughter of locals has become commonplace, or Egypt, where political dissent is stifled with an iron fist. Saudi Arabia enforces a discriminatory entry policy, not permitting non-Muslims to so much as set foot in the city of Mecca. Various Persian Gulf states and others deny Palestinian refugees citizenship in order to use that population as a political cudgel. Iran suppresses opposition without mercy. Libya, Yemen, and Tunisia regularly convulse with  violence against Arabs, and the Christian population has been dwindling across the region except in one country – Israel. “It looks highly suspicious,” she said.

Please support our work through Patreon.