Politician Unsure He Has Enough Divorces To Qualify For High Office

“If I value my marriage, what can I even achieve, other than cultural attaché in some godforsaken hellhole?”

Kokhav Yair, July 10 – An aspiring legislator with ambitions to achieve the rank of minister, or at least Director-General of a government ministry, with perhaps an ambassadorship or two along the way, confided today that he often suspects he might not possess the necessary attributes for such a career path, since he has only been married once, and that marriage has not collapsed or faced the hazards of infidelity.

Omer Vaknin, 33, disclosed his misgivings today during a parlor meeting with area political activists and politically-engaged citizens, as part of an informal effort to bring together potential candidates from several centrist parties with potential voters, to allow the up-and-coming figures in those parties to cultivate direct contacts with concerned voters. Several voters challenged Vaknin to describe his qualifications for his stated aim of achieving high office, with at least two of them specifically citing his stable, happy marriage as an indication he does not, in fact, have what it takes to make it to the top echelons of political life in Israel.

“They told me I won’t get very far unless I’m gotten divorced twice or more,” he acknowledged. “I still don’t think that’s necessarily true, but it did and does give me pause. Getting that far in politics requires a level of selfishness and ignoring other people’s feelings that I have not demonstrated to the public. It’s going to be hard to convey to Yisrael Q. Voter that I can do the job if my home life is well-adjusted and my commitment to my wife rock-solid.”

Vaknin admitted during one exchange that the roster of married, undivorced political leaders in Israel’s past, but especially in the present, represents the exception rather than the rule. “We treat the country’s founding generation with reverence for multiple reasons,” he explained, “and that includes their greater propensity than anyone around today to make their one marriage work. But the arena has changed, I think, and what makes a good spouse has become less and less compatible with what makes a successful political figure.”

“Like, the betrayal of voters, of campaign promises, of declared principles – I’m not sure I have it in me,” he confessed. “If I value those things, as I value my marriage, then what can I even achieve, other than some one-and-done term as a Member of Knesset, or cultural attaché in some godforsaken hellhole?”

“Even if I aim no higher than ambassador to a major Western country, I’m going to have to have an affair, at the very least” he allowed. “Am I up to the challenge?”

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