Poll: Party With Sharansky, Batman, Gandhi, Steve Jobs Could Beat Netanyahu

Analysts and political hopefuls rushed to suggest how such a party might come into being.

Tel Aviv, April 24 – Political commentators and operatives buzzed with excitement this week following the publication of a survey that found incumbent Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu vulnerable to a “dream team” of figures who, if they formed a party in time for the next parliamentary election, would unseat him.

Researchers from the Mina Tzemach institute and Channel Two asked 431 Israelis how they would vote if elections were held now, and found that Likud under Netanyahu would attract enough votes to retain 21 of its current 30 seats, but would only garner the second-highest total if the field were to feature a new party boasting names such as Batman, Gandhi, Steve Jobs, and current Jewish Agency head Natan Sharansky. Labor and HaTnua, currently forming the Zionist Union alliance, would all but disappear. The poll had a possible sampling error of plus or minus two percentage points.

Analysts and political hopefuls rushed to suggest how such a party might come into being. “There should be enough time to get at least the fundraising infrastructure in place,” gushed Isaac Herzog, current Opposition leader and former Labor Party chief. “I would consider leaving my ancestral home party of Labor under the right circumstances, and teaming up with Batman would lend me the gravitas and masculinity I’m unable to project on my own. I need someone to complement me in that department. Thus my alliance with Tzipi Livni, for example.”

“This could work,” predicted an excited Tamar Zandberg of Meretz. “Gandhi is exactly what we need, a departure from the violence-fomenting of the current leadership. Jobs was also born in Syria, and our willingness to embrace him sends a message of openness to our neighbors. Batman I’m not thrilled about, but at least he’s committed to not killing, which you obviously can’t say about Netanyahu. Sharansky, well, I don’t know what he’s doing there, but it’s bad optics for me to bad-mouth the most famous Soviet refusenik, so let’s just leave it at that. I hope the polls close in time for me to squeeze in another pilgrimage to Yasser Arafat’s grave.”

Some cast doubt on the likelihood of bringing all four figures together on a single ticket. “Batman doesn’t strike me as the political type,” warned Ayman Odeh of Hadash, chairman of the Joint List alliance of mostly Arab parties. “I mean, this barely affects my constituency – I think there’s a law that says the Joint List has to poll at thirteen seats. Still, it’s about as likely that anyone will unseat Netanyahu under the current circumstances, which is good for us – I’d hate to have to work with a government that’s hard to paint as existentially opposed to the interests of Arabs. That would mean finding practical ways to serve our electorate, which is much more difficult than constantly trotting out racism and entitlement.”

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