Protests: Ban On Sex With Animals To Prevent Coronavirus ‘Discriminatory’

“Two, four, six, eight, no bestiality means hate! Three, five, seven, nine, so what if my lover’s ovine?!”

London, February 5 – Activists demonstrated here today against World Health Organization guidelines to prevent the further spread of a dangerous pathogen, insisting that preaching avoidance of sexual contact with farm animals constitutes prejudice against groups for whom such behavior has long been a way of life.

Dozens of demonstrators from several Middle Eastern and South Asian countries, as well as from New Zealand and Scotland, among others, called on the WHO to revise or rescind its provision that people must not engage in “unprotected contact” with wild or farm animals, because any demand not to engage in intimate contact with such creatures discriminates against many in their native cultures.

“Your racism runs really deep; don’t tell me not to hump my sheep!” chanted several protesters. “Coronavirus will run its course, regardless if I boink my horse!”

The WHO recommended several hygienic and behavioral steps to help forestall coronavirus, which has infected tens of thousands and killed hundreds, to date mostly in mainland China. The respiratory disease has spread all over the world in the latest outbreak, prompting international bodies to take action. Among other measures such as washing hands after handling bodily fluids or blowing one’s nose, the organization published a warning not to come into unprotected contact with live wild or farm animals, an admonishment that the activists interpret as an attack on an important element of their culture and identity.

“Two, four, six, eight, no bestiality means hate!” the crowd continued. “Three, five, seven, nine, so what if my lover’s ovine?!”

“There’s no clear evidence that intimacy with goats, for example, has been instrumental in the latest epidemic,” contended a demonstrator who gave his name as Ian. “This is just a not-so-subtle attempt to further stigmatize an already-beleaguered population, and we’re here to declare that’s unacceptable. Let us bond with our livestock in peace. In other words, get off of our ass, because we have a hot date with it.”

Public health officials involved in drafting the WHO guidelines maintain no discriminatory intent behind the hygienic safety measure. “Nowhere do we declare protected… contact problematic,” stated a representative. “It’s not about contact per se, but about protection. Notice also that we for some reason specified ‘live’ animals, which leaves room for a similarly misguided inference. But thank you for causing me that unwanted mental image. You know what? Maybe everyone dying from some horrible disease is what our society actually deserves.”

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