“It’s so unlike our brethren, to make grandiose promises to us and not make good on them.”
Ankara, August 27 – Hundreds of men around the Middle East who showcased their Muslim solidarity by expressing a desire to battle alongside Palestinian Arabs against the Jews cited unforeseen developments that will prevent them, sadly, from following through on that sentiment, various journalists reported today.
Interviewees from around the region suddenly remembered commitments or constrictions that will make their boasts of willingness to fight Israel – boasts that they made moments beforehand – inoperable. The men each apologized for the oversight, but, unfortunately, those previous commitments or restrictions will keep them from joining the glorious fight to liberate Palestine from the Zionist imperialist usurpers.
“Oh, no, I didn’t mean for you to take down any contact information based on my expressed desire to fight,” demurred Tavuk Boku, who had just held forth for six minutes on his profound commitment to fighting, and if necessary dying, to free Palestine. “I have family responsibilities here in Turkiye, you understand.”
“Uh, no thank you,” stammered Ayama Juban of Doha, who until moments before kept braying about his combat prowess and his iron will to drive the Jews into the Mediterranean. “I, uh, I have to drive my daughter to the orthodontist. So sorry. I’m sure the cause will attract plenty of willing men without me. Free Palestine!” He raised his fist, gave an awkward smile, and shuffled away.
Hopeful recruiters of volunteers acknowledged feeling crestfallen following hundreds of failed attempts to parlay the vocal enthusiasm among Muslim men for participating in the epic struggle against the Jews. “It seemed to promising – so many people had waxed effusive about their desire to go and fight,” noted Fatah organizer Shukri Husseini in Doha, Qatar. “It’s so unlike our brethren, to make grandiose promises to us and not make good on them. I can’t recall it ever happening before. They’ve always been so forthcoming and supportive.”
Interviewers assured their interlocutors that sign-up for volunteer positions fighting Israel can be accomplished online, or at various offices of humanitarian aid organizations, including Hamas offices in the capital. To a man, the interviewees thanked the interviewers and backed out of sight with promises that they would look up the details as soon as they had a chance. Just not right now, because little Fatma has a birthday party, so sorry. Otherwise, right away!
The interviewers also reassured themselves and one another that the scenes of Israelis returning to their country in droves to defend it were all fake, and that one more push will cause the entire Zionist enterprise to collapse. Any day now.
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