Putin Pleased At Progress Of Plot To Install President Trump

The Terrible Republican Ugly Man for President (TRUMP) project is proceeding according to plan.

Moscow, March 2 – Russian President Vladimir Putin congratulated his staff today on the successful completion of yet another phase in the project to undermine his country’s chief economic and political rival by causing them to elect Donald Trump as the next president.

Putin gathered his intelligence chiefs for a small toast at the Kremlin this morning to mark Trump’s victory in seven of the twelve Republican primary and caucus contests that took place across the US Tuesday, giving him more than half the number of party delegates necessary to secure the GOP nomination this summer. He specifically commended them for their insight in predicting the Republican electorate’s response to outlandish statements by the candidate, and for their skill in manipulating that response.

“Well done, gentlemen, well done so far,” offered the president. “We know the Americans are a stupid lot, but this is the farthest we have ever come in exploiting that knowledge. Now, after seven years of Obama, that country is primed to move in any direction that signals a departure from him, no matter how irresponsible the path that candidate offers! It was a brilliant idea, gentlemen, and it appears to be enjoying success.”

Putin went on to describe what he anticipates will occur if the next two phases of the Terrible Republican Ugly Man for President (TRUMP) operation go according to plan. “It does not help the media establishment, which is driven by ratings, to oppose him, because they are forced for economic reasons to continue giving him coveted coverage!” he crowed. “There is no such thing as bad publicity for that man – all because American conservatives – and others, but especially the conservatives – have been burned by Obama, and want the person who best puts forth the anti-Obama image. It was an inspired idea to groom the Donald for this role. Brilliant.”

The long-term success of the TRUMP plan to destroy the economy, diplomacy, and fundamental will to live of the US hinges on several important factors that have not been tested yet, said a Russian cabinet official who spoke on condition of anonymity. “It helps that on the Democratic side, the socialism-averse American masses are preoccupied with the hopeless candidacy of Bernie Sanders, so they don’t have time to adequately prepare for a confrontation with Trump when the time comes,” he explained. “In fact it would only boost Trump at this point for Clinton to attack him, since that would only reinforce his position as the presumed GOP candidate. Naturally, then, that’s what she’s going to do, because we’d be crazy not to be in control of her, as well.”

He stressed that the Russian intelligence services could not have done this alone, and specifically mentioned the invaluable insistence of Iran, which played a major role in installing Obama and making TRUMP possible.