“Israel causes immense damage to our work.”
Rafah, May 15 – The International Committee of the Red Cross claimed today that the Israeli military had struck the organization’s last remaining vehicle it uses to help Palestinians cry for the cameras.
Red Cross spokeswoman Rima Vitolaya issued a statement Wednesday decrying the Israel Defense Force’s targeting of the waaambulance. The driver and three staff members aboard were physically unharmed, but writhed around in feigned agony until the “journalists” invited to the scene had stopped filming.
“The international community must condemn in no uncertain terms this war crime,” she asserted. “Our organization has no more waaambulances in Gaza.” Vitolaya fought back tears as she spoke.
“Now our people can’t do their heroic work,” she sobbed. “It’s barbaric!”
The reports came only two days after the IDF interdicted a shipment of stuffed animals and dolls that Hamas propagandists planned to position for maximum tear-jerking effect in photos of ruins.
ICRC president Pierre Krähenbühle also issued a denunciation. “The Israeli military keeps disrupting our critical humanitarian work in Gaza,” he charged. “Whether it’s unmasking our employees as Hamas operatives, documenting our personnel’s participation in atrocities, showcasing evidence that we let Hamas use our facilities and equipment to conceal, store, transport, or deploy weapons and fighters, or simply questioning the halo effect that we have come to expect as a humanitarian organization, Israel causes immense damage to our work.”
Other human rights organizations issued condemnations. Former Director of Human Rights Watch Ken Roth demanded that the UN Security Council declare Israel in breach of basic humanitarian principles and to impose sanctions. “Real sanctions, not like the unenforced ones on Iran that we also complain about,” he elaborated.
Agnes Callamard of Amnesty International arranged for an aide to tell her about the development at a press conference, whereupon she clutched her chest and collapsed, moaning, “My heart, my heart…” A team of paramedics, one of whom was later identified as Gaza journalist/physician/paramedic/aid worker/Yakub-of-all-trades Saleh Aljafarawi, appeared from just out of sight, having been positioned there earlier. The team of medics placed Ms. Callamard on a stretcher and took her to a random room until the hubbub subsided, leaving observers to assume she had been taken to hospital. Callamard later emerged and went jogging that evening.
The ICRC immediately began a fundraising campaign for more Gaza waaambulances. Organization representative Pearl Clutching expressed concerns about the logistics of delivering the vehicles to Gaza. “Maybe we can have it air-dropped.”
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