Reluctant Netanyahu OKs Recount Of Likud Valentines

Observers point to some risks for Netanyahu in approving the recount, and which explain his hesitation.

Jerusalem, February 14 – Popular discontent over apparent irregularities in the distribution of affectionate messages and gifts among party Knesset hopefuls has led Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu to order that the process undergo a repeat to ensure the results provide an accurate picture of who got how many.

Netanyahu’s Likud Party marked Valentine’s Day with the customary sending of balloons, cards, flowers, chocolates, lingerie, and other indicators of attraction or interest among those in its ranks vying to represent the party in the April 9 parliamentary elections. The outcome upset numerous members who found themselves without the number of Valentines they had expected to garner, given their understanding of how much affectionate the Likud rank have shown them. The disgruntled Valentine rejects claim to have found irregularities in the counting, identification, and distribution of the Valentines, and generated enough attention to force the premier, who chairs the party, to consent to a recount, the results of which may prove a political embarrassment.

“We’re just asking for transparency,” stated outgoing MK Yehuda Glick, who received many fewer Valentine gifts than anticipated. “I love all my constituents, and it’s not unreasonable to think something’s amiss when so little love becomes apparent in return. I would never accuse the Likud membership of that, which must mean something went wrong in the counting.”

“Yeah, we need a recount – why not?” grinned MK Oren Hazan, taking a rip from his bong. “I know my style rubs some the wrong way, but always saying and doing what I think is a good quality in a politician. So I can’t say I’m surprised by the results, but a recount is fine. It’s worth a gamble, if you know what I mean. Another free throw of the dice. So to speak.”

Political observers point to some risks for Netanyahu in approving the recount, and which explain his hesitation. “If there was some manipulation going on that hurts the party’s – and his – credibility as a lover,” explained commentator Barak Ravid. “It’s possible some candidates got no Valentines at all and someone felt bad for them, and reassigned Valentines sent to someone else, who received fewer than they should have. It’s also possible there were more Valentines overall than were sent, which raises other kinds of suspicion, hinting at someone who wants to appear more popular than they actually are. Which doesn’t narrow it down to anyone specific, come to think of it.”

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