“Who can afford a place in this neighborhood with weed-free air, a Rothschild?”
Jerusalem, June 12 – A landlord in this city’s Nahlaot neighborhood remarked that a prospective tenant who insisted that the residence for lease feature no stench of marijuana had to be a Rockefeller or Bezos, or one of those, given such an unreasonable demand at normal neighborhood lease rates.
Ya’akov Cohen, 54, reported today (Monday) that a woman who viewed a second-floor property he has for rent on Nissim Bakhar Street inquired whether he has some other place available, since the one in question has air flow from the street below where a pub, a café, and other nearby establishments cater to clientele who favor inhalation of cannabis smoke – indicating, Cohen surmised, that the potential tenant has staggering wealth at her disposal.
“Seriously, who can afford a place in this neighborhood with weed-free air, a Rothschild?” he wondered. “This woman must have a seriously rich daddy, or be the unusually young CEO of some international conglomerate with immense shareholder value. ‘A place that doesn’t reek of marijuana’ indeed. You could just tell she was trying not even to say the word, the way she looked around a little beforehand and lowered her voice. Scandalous!” he guffawed.
“I’m sure she can make the air in her Swiss chalet smell of whatever she pleases,” he continued. “If the air does smell of anything improper, she can have the servants inhale for her.”
“Oh, look at me, I have the staff perform my bodily functions for me,” he added, gaining volume and adding a nasal tone to his voice. “No one of my social stratum could ever be associated with sweat, or, Heaven forbid, poop. That simply would not do.”
Nahlaot, along with several other central Jerusalem neighborhoods, has undergone marked gentrification in the last thirty years. Rising rents have driven much of the veteran, working-class population out, but somehow the area’s attraction for students, drug addicts, and student drug addicts, has persisted. Decriminalization of marijuana possession has fed a resurgence of the drug’s presence.
Experts observed that Mr. Cohen had a similar reaction to potential tenants who wondered whether something might be done about the peeling paint, leaky plumbing, faulty toilet-tank gasket, broken floor tiles, bathroom mold spots, misaligned window shutters, flea-infested pigeons nesting outside the bedroom window, ancient electrical system that cannot handle an air conditioner or space heater, non-functioning door buzzer, cracked kitchen sink, recurring cockroach infestations, lack of shower pressure, torn window screens, disintegrating kitchen cabinet shelves and doors, missing kitchen drawer, towel rack no longer attached to the wall on one end, and exposed electrical wires leading to the plain-incandescent-bulb lighting fixture in the entryway.
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