Report: Outspoken Right-Wingers Magically Unable To Be Diplomats

The political left, the study notes, holds a monopoly on proper ideology, policy, and advocacy.

Jerusalem, August 16 – A study of Israeli political trends has revealed that political figures who unequivocally support right-wing causes and ideologies become, by some unexplained and unique mechanism, incapable of adequately performing the duties of a diplomat.

The study, which looked at Opposition figures’ reaction to the appointment of Danny Danon as Ambassador to the United Nations, determined that right-wing politicians, unlike their colleague from anywhere else on the political or ideological spectrums, lack the ability to effectively advocate for their country or government. Researchers remain at a loss to explain how that lack of capacity uniquely affects leaders not allied with the political left, which, the study notes, holds a monopoly on proper ideology, policy, and advocacy.

Dr. Tzipi Livni of the Likud-Kadima-Hatnuah-Zionist-Union Institute of Political Studies, lead author of the study, explained that the response from non-right-wing elements of the Israeli political world to the appointment of Ambassador Danon demonstrates the problematic nature of right-wing figures in sensitive political and diplomatic posts. “This study is based on the known principle – known at least to those of us who have not been blinded by right-wing politics – that only a person whose expressed political views lie to the left of center possesses the ability to see situations clearly, and, in accordance with the assessment that results, speak and act properly.” She noted that because Israel’s Left has unanimously voiced misgivings, even horror, at the appointment of Danon, that appointment, by its very nature, must be unwise, short-sighted, self-destructive, and will set back Israeli relations with other countries anywhere from four decades to the beginning of time.

“Only left-wing policies and solutions can be considered effective,” she stressed, noting the tranquility that has prevailed since the Oslo Accords of 1993 and Ehud Barak’s historic offer to Arafat at Camp David in 2000. “Right-wing policies have been a disaster from day one,” she added, pointing to Menachem Begin’s 1978 peace treaty with Egyptian President Anwar Sadat, a Likud-led initiative that resulted in Sadat’s assassination several years later.

“Take the Gaza Disengagement of 2005,” she said. “In order to do the right thing, a right-wing prime minister had to move to the left, and split off from Likud, forming Kadima. As a result of the withdrawal from the Gaza Strip, Israel’s south has seen nothing but peaceful times.” commentators and politicians who express regret over that move, said Dr. Livni, place themselves on right-hand side of the political spectrum in doing so. As a result, not only may their opinions be safely disregarded, but they render themselves incapable of performing the most rudimentary diplomatic tasks, which require a well-developed sense of cause-and-effect, a sense that, manifestly, only left-wingers possess.

As for the mechanism by which a right-wing politician loses or never develops proper diplomatic skills, Livni said her study suggests, but does not definitively prove, that it is a corollary to Obama’s Principle: knowing you’re right is only a sign of the truth when it emerges from the Left. That automatically renders the confidence with which a right-winger expresses his convictions as hubris; whereas if a left-winger exhibited the same, it would ipso facto be an indicator of unassailable truth.