Retired FIFA Injury-Fakers Find Second Career With Palestinian Rioters

They’ve gotten so practiced that even Palestinian emergency medical personnel get misled.

Ramallah, April 25 – Professional soccer players in or following the twilight of their playing days who showed prowess on the pitch feigning serious bodily harm in the hopes of inducing penalties against the opposing team have discovered their skills translate well in the milieu of violent disturbances against Israeli security forces in the Gaza Strip and Judea/Samaria, where credulous or biased NGOs and journalists amplify tendentious, edited video to portray Israel as targeting innocent or unarmed demonstrators.

Former football athletes from around the world, primarily Europe and Africa, with a sprinkling of Latin Americans, have joined what observers call the growing phenomenon of such players finding a second career drama-queening for the cameras to fake injury and incriminate Israel.

“It started as a handful,” recalled Sky News sport analyst Al Dreyfus. “Back in the early 2010’s, some players in France and Belgium, with known pro-Palestinian sympathies but unremarkable talent, saw their injury-faking skills as a way to extend their employment prospects. In the decade-plus since, the number has ballooned to dozens, and Palestinian groups have even opened training workshops for these recruits, who then coach local rioters on the proven methods to feign mortal injury but then get up again once the referees, in this case the cameras, are looking the other way.”

Dreyfus pointed to improved efficiency in moving from stretcher-occupant to stretcher-carrier among the rioters, as teams of them rotate into and out of their respective Faker positions. “There’s an observable increase in the professionalism of those involved,” he acknowledged. “They’ve gotten so practiced that even Palestinian emergency medical personnel get misled – that is, when we’re talking about genuine medical personnel, and not when it’s just a bunch of activists using an ambulance and uniforms to enhance the blood libel.”

Participants in the workshops and riots noted that the application of the faking skills in the field still features some pitfalls even with the extensive experience and training. “Nothing prepares you for suffering real injury,” admitted a former third-string striker with Futebol Clube de Vizela of Portugal’s Second League. “A good number of us have gotten hurt – not by Israeli gunfire, which is mostly tear gas and smoke bombs, but by Palestinians throwing or slinging rocks and firebombs at the soldiers. I almost got brained by a guy in front of me winding with his slingshot, and a couple of my friends weren’t as lucky. We still managed to make it look like Israeli gunfire hurt them, though, and that’s the important thing.”

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