Rock Thrown By Arab Magically Transforms Into Sponge-Tipped Police Bullet

“If mid-air transmogrification technology has reached the hands of hostile elements, we face a serious challenge.”

Umm al-Hiran, January 18 – Israeli defense officials expressed concern today that terrorist groups may have developed technology to change projectiles in mid-flight, after a rock thrown by a Bedouin protester struck an allied politician and was then reported as a sponge-tipped projectile used by police to disperse riots.

MK Ayman Odeh, head of the parliamentary Joint List of Arab parties in the Knesset, suffered head injuries during a protest over demolition of illegal structures in this Negev Bedouin village last night. Protesters insisted his injuries came from a sponge-tipped projectile, whereas the medics and hospital staff who treated him reported that his wound resulted from being hit by a rock. The sudden transformation of a rock into an incriminating bullet-type object has police and military experts concerned that hostile forces may be close to developing the means to change rocks into more dangerous objects even before impact, as well.

The incident occurred after a policeman at the scene was killed, and another moderately injured, in an automotive attack. Police are investigating whether the perpetrator, who was shot to death as a result, has ties to extremist organizations. According to police reports, the stone-throwing began after the fatal SUV attack, and heightened the tension between the protesters and the police who had been dispatched to provide security for demolition crews enforcing court orders to demolish the structures.

“If mid-air transmogrification technology has reached the hands of hostile elements, we face a serious challenge,” admitted a senior police official who spoke on condition of anonymity, citing security procedures. “For now, it appears that the technology in their possession is restricted to making projectiles less harmful, not more, and has so far not been used to compromise the effectiveness of police- or IDF-fired ammunition. That may be only a matter of time, and we must consider ways to counter that threat.”

The official noted that analogous technology has occasionally been deployed in confrontations between terrorists and Israeli forces. “These groups often possess some method by which their life-threatening actions aimed at Israelis are transformed into a plucky, noble set of behaviors that would be criminal by any sane assessment, but by the time they are reported in most international media – and Haaretz – those actions somehow become justified, welcome, or otherwise acceptable.”

Another official speaking under the same rules voiced concern that parallel technology was being used to target Israeli media, whose questions posed to protesters and activists in interviews have mysteriously been transformed from evidence-based challenges into amplification of unsubstantiated anti-government propaganda.

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