Saudi Discovers BVD Wife-Beaters Ineffective, Demands Refund

Observers note that Foreet could accept responsibility for the misunderstanding and undertake to exercise greater care in selecting products for purchase, but such a course of action would require violation of at least two taboos.

Balagan, Saudi Arabia, September 11 – Confusion reigned today after a local husband sought to vent his displeasure at his wife through corporal punishment, only to discover that the product he had ordered on line for such a purpose, despite being called a “wife-beater,” failed to perform that task, and he was forced to administer his disciplinary measures manually. The man has submitted a complaint and asked for a refund from the vendor.

Asqin Foreet, 40, had bought a package of three wife-beaters from venerable manufacturer BVD, taking advantage of a special discount on shipping rates to his country from the US. Foreet, a father of sixteen through four women, sees frequent need to keep his wives obedient and servile, lest their misconduct or inadequacy as consorts or mothers bring shame upon the family. His choice of method has involved towels, belts, shoes, and other objects in addition to the palms and backs of his hands, but the effort necessary to discipline the women and their children occupied time the ARAMCO executive would rather devote to other pursuits. Chancing upon an ad for a package of wife-beaters for only three US dollars including shipping, Foreet jumped at the chance to automate his wife-beating in some way.

“I was excited, only to be disappointed,” he confessed. “I have already demanded this travesty, this deception, be remedied, and taken out my displeasure on the woman who caused this whole fiasco. Of course it would have been easier, not to mention unnecessary, if the product’s structure and function matched its name, but that, alas, is not the case.”

Observers note that Foreet could accept responsibility for the misunderstanding and undertake to exercise greater care in selecting products for purchase, but such a course of action would require violation of at least two taboos: it would require that he depart from a narrative of victimhood, in which someone else must always bear the shame of causing misfortune, and it would require that he find ways of expressing his pique that do not involve the physical assertion of superiority over other weaker and lesser beings.

“In the end, this is going to be characterized in his mind as exploitation by greedy Western capitalists,” predicted analyst Zayyen Tamoakh. “The fact that BVD is owned ultimately by Berkshire Hathaway, Warren Buffet’s company, is only going to reinforce that in his mind. Of course the irony will be lost on him that he happens to work for the greediest, most exploitative company in the world.”

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