Saudis Say Mossad Broke Into Cave Of Wonders, Stole Lamp

Unconfirmed reports in Saudi media claimed eyewitnesses had seen a group of people flying a magic carpet away from the scene, but that could not be corroborated.

Riyadh, June 29 – Saudi officials accused Israel today of stealing the contents of the magically concealed Cave of Wonders, where the legendary Lamp of the Genie is said to be hidden, among vast quantities of enchanted treasure.

For centuries, nations have been scouring the globe for relics and powerful objects that would give their armies or governments an advantage in the international arena. Perhaps the most famous example involves Nazi Germany’s separate attempts to lay hands on the Ark of the Covenant and the Holy Grail in the 1930’s, both foiled by an American archaeologist. Less well-known attempts have fared similarly poorly, and experts say if the Saudi accusations are true, it would represent the first time a genuine magic or supernatural object has been seized by a government.

“The closest the world has come, to date, has been the placement of the Ark of the Covenant in some nameless, gargantuan army warehouse somewhere in the US,” said historian Marian Ravenwood. “But it’s been decades, and the records are gone. Who knows if the warehouse even exists anymore? In this case, we have reports of an actual magic object that stands to be used, and that’s not just unusual – I think it’s unprecedented, at least in terms of authenticated events.”

The Cave of Wonders, a vast underground facility in the Arabian Desert near the ruins of Agrabah, can only be located by joining two halves of a medallion with the image of an insect on it, and following the glowing trail that it leaves as it flies toward the cave. Archaeologists say that when the medallion arrives at the hidden location, it again splits in half, and the place where each piece strikes the sand becomes the glowing eye of a panther that has lain dormant for centuries and demands that the visitor identify himself. According to existing sources, only certain individuals are permitted to enter the cave, which will collapse into an undiscernible portion of the desert floor if an unworthy candidate enters.

If true, the Saudi charges mean that Israel either possesses someone worthy of entering the Cave of Wonders, or somehow circumvented the Cave’s system for thwarting those unworthy of entry. Neither of those possibilities is appealing, says Saudi Minister of Culture Prince Ali Ababwa. “The notion that a Zionist, who is by definition an evil usurping rapist, can be worthy of access to the cave of Wonders, is an ontological impossibility, or at least too disruptive to our way of thinking to consider, and can therefore be dismissed,” he said. “More likely, given the nefarious nature of Jews, they have devised a way to fool the Cave into thinking a bona fide Diamond in the Rough had entered, and exploited it to obtain whatever they could from inside.”

Prince Ali denied specific knowledge of what had been taken from the Cave. “Again, there are several possibilities, none of them happy,” he said. “The first is that the Israelis made off with just the magic lamp, which is awful enough to contemplate. The second is that they managed to get at least some of the treasure out, as well. The third is that they took the entire treasure inventory of the Cave of Wonders.”

The last of those scenarios has the Saudi government in a near panic, since it means the Zionists have developed stealth technology that cloaks theft enough to conceal contact with the Cave’s non-lamp treasures. Such contact is supposed to trigger destruction of the treasure and collapse of the cave on whoever is inside. However, Prince Ali concedes the possibility that multiple sorties of specially-equipped drones would probably be able to remove the treasure without consequence.

“If a monkey was able to enter in the company of the Diamond in the Rough in the only documented case of someone entering the Cave, there are probably other security holes that the original enchanters may have left, and that the Jews were able to exploit,” he said.

Unconfirmed reports in Saudi media claimed eyewitnesses had seen a group of people flying a magic carpet away from the scene, but that could not be corroborated.

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