School Admin Walks Back ‘7,000 Teachers Killed In Spitball Attack’ Claim

The school has 45 registered faculty.

Hod HaSharon, December 27 – Senior faculty and staff at a local secondary education institution began revising figures they had touted last week in the aftermath of a disciplinary incident in a tenth-grade classroom: previously citing a fatality count upwards of 6,900, with twice that number injured by a student’s improvised projectile device, the principal and her aides allowed today that perhaps that number was an overstatement, but that should not detract from the seriousness of the incident.

Headmistress Haya Shinar of the Paula Ben-Gurion High School acknowledged today that she and several faculty members might have used exaggerated figures to describe the shooting of a spitball at a teacher the previous Wednesday. A statement by her administration condemned the student, who has not been named in news reports, for firing a spitball that hit a history instructor and killed 6,920 teachers while wounding more than 13,000. The school has 45 registered faculty.

“The fog of the initial incident contributed to uncertainty in the available data,” explained Shinar. “We are reexamining reports of the incident, which nevertheless remains unacceptable. This administration insists that the focus on the specific casualty numbers is of secondary importance at best. Our focus must be on the atrocity of a student directing such violence at a teacher, regardless of how many teachers, specifically, were killed as a result. The exact number is a distraction from the core issue.”

Parents of the accused student, as well as classmate eyewitnesses, denied what they called the administration’s suspiciously-fast tally of casualties. “It took maybe twelve seconds for them to come up with a number,” recalled another student. “I was there and I couldn’t even tell anyone had been hit by a spitball, or any projectile for that matter. I actually think there was no spitball at all, and the administration was looking for any excuse to make the accused look bad. They were too-ready with that big number.”

International media rushed to publicize the incident using the administration’s figures in the immediate aftermath of the incident, without due diligence to verify the casualty figures. Media watchdogs called the phenomenon an egregious, recurring manifestation of anti-student bias in reporting, especially given the consistent unreliability and tendentiousness of school administration statistics on all matters, including grade inflation, staff attrition numbers, budget shortfalls, parental involvement statistics, faculty disciplinary policies, renovation timelines, technological equipment availability, and countrywide school ranking among others of the same type.

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