Sderot In Shelters All Night After Rocket Alert Set To Sound Each Time Bibi Reneges On A Campaign Promise

The identity of the guilty party remains unknown at press time.

Sderot, February 11 – Residents of this town near the border with the Gaza Strip spent yet another night in reinforced rooms and underground bunkers because a prankster reprogrammed the Red Alert system that warns of incoming projectiles from the neighboring territory to trigger a siren not when radar detects a launch, but when the prime minister violates any pledge he made before the previous two rounds of elections, Israeli military sources reported Tuesday.

Military spokesman Col. Masa B’hirot disclosed this morning that communities abutting the Gaza Strip – which is controlled by Islamist terrorist group Hamas – prepared for an extended stay in bomb shelters and other safe areas Monday night and Tuesday amid repeated sounds of the Red Alert system. Radar installations and Iron Dome interception batteries detected no launches, however, and an audit of the system uncovered the recent addition to its algorithm of a subroutine that triggers the sirens in certain sectors when it detects that Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu has reneged on a commitment he made to voters over the last year. The identity of the guilty party remains unknown at press time.

“Someone reprogrammed the alarm settings, but not fire control radar,” explained Col. B’hirot. “The interception mechanism remain in place, such that actual rocket or mortar fire would prompt the same procedures and interception considerations. It’s just that, in addition to calculating a projectile’s trajectory and alerting the target area, we get the same alert when Bibi violates another campaign promise.”

The specific promises on which Netanyahu reneged to trigger the alert system included refusal to assert Israeli sovereignty over areas in Judea and Samaria beyond the 1949 armistice lines; inaction in the face of a justice system that arrogates for itself executive and legislative functions, without democratic accountability; turning a blind eye to, and perhaps abetting, the transformation of south Tel Aviv into a crime-ridden den of illegal migrants from Africa; and refusal to take decisive action against the terrorists who run the Gaza Strip, allowing them to keep rearming and attacking after each exchange of fire, among others.

IDF Home Front Command programmers began working to restore the alert system to its previous state, the spokesman added, but have so far been stymied by another subroutine, related to the first, that resets the entire mechanism whenever law enforcement authorities treat Jewish agitators or criminals more strictly than non-Jewish ones.

“It’s been every eighteen or nineteen seconds,” he observed.

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