Shift To Daylight Saving Causes Israelites To Miss Manna Collection

“The vast majority of the people must not have realized the clock changed last night.”

Marah, The Wilderness, April 1 – Hundreds of thousands of Hebrews woke up late this morning after the switch to daylight saving time and as a result missed the window for daily collection of manna, Hebrew sources are reporting.

The switch from standard time to daylight saving time took most Israelites by surprise, say the sources, and by the time they got ready to go out and collect the amount suited to their respective households, the miraculous foodstuff had dissolved. Moses, the leader, was reportedly forced to ask for an extra-large flock of quail to appear today to help feed the hungry masses.

A spokesman for the elders of the twelve tribes told reporters that Moses, Aaron, and Miriam had spent at least a week informing the people of the impending time change, and that the elders had in turn spread word of daylight saving time among their tribes, but that evidently many people did not receive the word in time. “It happens every year around this time, but somehow people just don’t make the necessary adjustment,” said Eldad the Elder. “I was up in time, and most of my colleagues were, but the vast majority of the people must not have realized the clock changed last night, but the manna fell at the same time on that clock.” He lamented the fact that no one could even collect extra for the uninformed or negligent, as any manna beyond a given household’s daily allotment would disappear.

A desperate father of four from the tribe of Ephraim kept scouring the barren area outside the Israelite camp long after the manna had gone. “What am I going to do?” he wondered. “It’s my son’s birthday, and I promised him he could imagine the manna tasting like a chocolate cake, even though chocolate won’t reach this hemisphere for thousands of years!” he added, referring to the miraculous phenomenon of the manna taking on the taste and texture of whatever one desired. Eventually, the man was able to trade with a passing Ishmaelite caravan for enough food to last till the quail arrived.

Compounding the problem, added another elder named Medad, no one had any manna leftover from yesterday. “It rots and gets all maggoty if you leave it overnight,” he explained. “On balance, the fact that it gets all absorbed into the body and doesn’t make us need to defecate more than offsets today’s one-time problem, I’d say.”

Aaron expressed a modicum of relief that at least in the fall, when the clocks are changed in the other direction, the only complaint he anticipates receiving about it will be that the gatherers had to wait around for the manna to appear.