Sinister Plot Behind Every Obstacle Or Failure Facing Area Arab

“It turns out that my life is much more significant on a global scale than I had assumed.”

Cairo, January 12 – A local merchant knows whom to blame each time he encounters adversity: the nefarious forces bent on undermining Islam and Arabs.

Samwan Elss, 41, has faced multiple instances today of his will being thwarted and his expectations unmet, forcing him to conclude that only a sinister cabal of global dimensions has the power to affect his life in such consistent and detailed ways. Elss, a father of six, weighed the cumulative evidence and determined that all his negative experiences to date can be traced to the activities of this cabal, which must have important plans riding on his failures if they are so bent on producing them.

“I thought I was just a clothing and trinkets seller in a touristy part of this city,” he remarked. “But it turns out that my life is much more significant on a global scale than I had assumed, because there is no way my shortcomings and lack of good luck can explain the extent to which I have suffered disappointment after disappointment. The only way to make sense of it all is to attribute my frustrations, flaws, and misfortunes to a greater power with a vested interest in keeping me down. The Jews are the obvious culprit, but they hide their direct involvement well.”

Among the failures, explained Elss, is his being born into a lower-middle-class family and not, as he would have liked, into the economic elite. “Clearly I cannot be blamed for the setup of this situation, and therefore someone else must be guilty,” he reasoned. “If I were able to choose, would I have deprived myself of the luxuries and freedoms enjoyed by those who have the means to indulge themselves in all the pleasures of the world? Of course not. These sinister forces are determined to push me down and keep me there.”

Elss also recalled the frustrations of his youth and young adulthood, when the presumably Zionist cabal directing all of his misfortunes arranged for rejection after rejection by families from whom to marry a daughter. “Not having the wealth to impress, I have been condemned to mediocre results,” he lamented. “Not that my wife is a bad person or anything. She’s probably also the victim of this Jewish conspiracy, either separately or as a function of being attached to me.”

He revealed that he has not yet determined why he, of all people, carries such importance in the eyes of this cabal that they put so much focus on producing disappointment in his life, but he takes a small measure of comfort in knowing that at least his failures are not merely the result of random processes and his own occasional bad judgment.

“It’s got to be really big,” he concluded. “I must be really significant in some way.”

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