Social Distancing Stymies Palestinian Plans To Ram Cars Into Israeli Crowds

“The question we must ask ourselves is twofold: first, whose fault is it, and second, why bother asking when we know it’s always Israel’s fault?”

Maaleh Adummim, April 23 – A ramming and stabbing attack against an Israel Border Guard checkpoint yesterday by a Palestinian van driver highlights the challenges now facing operations to undo Jewish sovereignty, Palestinian figures noted today, in that the various measures Israel has implemented to slow and contain the spread of a deadly pandemic have also rendered Palestinian efforts to kill as many Jews as possible by driving motor vehicles into them at high speed moot, now that those measures have by and large eliminated significant gatherings of Israelis in locations with easy access by a ramming vehicle.

Aides to Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas told reporters Thursday morning that Wednesday’s failed – from the Palestinian perspective – attack, in which a Palestinian man drove his vehicle into a border guard, then jumped out and tried to stab him with scissors, only to be shot dead moments later, demonstrates the diminishing returns of recent resistance operations. A pipe bomb was also later found in the area, according to Israeli media reports.

“Our cause depends to some degree on large-scale or dramatic murders of Jews, preferably both,” explained Nabil Sha’ath. “Successful operations of that nature energize the movement – they attract financing, recruits, and headlines, and they put our cause at the forefront of the international agenda. Unfortunately the world has other things occupying it, if you’ll pardon the term, of late, and in the years before that, ever since we made it clear we’re not interested in actually resolving the conflict, because resolving it would mean we no longer generate those dramatic headlines and have no legitimacy in international eyes to seek the deaths of Jews so blatantly. Wait, did I say that out loud?”

“In any case,” he continued, “the question we must ask ourselves is twofold: first, whose fault is it, and second, why bother asking when we know it’s always Israel’s fault? This leads us to the inexorable conclusion that the coronavirus outbreak was engineered by the Zionists to reduce the effectiveness of our legitimate resistance. Perversely, Israel has garnered international praise for its coronavirus response, even for its training, support, and supply of necessities to the Palestinian public health system! It is this kind of upheaval that students of the Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion could have told you is exactly what the Jews pursue to sow chaos and seize control of the things we previously insisted they already control.”

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