Spies In Canaan Aim To Inspire US Jews To Call Israel ‘Nice Place To Visit’

“It’s not only our own social position and fear of change we’re considering – it carries implications for all time.”

Qadesh Barnea, June 11 – Ten men dispatched from this wilderness location to the Promised Land to bring back details regarding its population, fecundity, strategic preparedness, and other important information for  military conquest and eventual settlement expressed their hope that thousands of years from now, their descendants living in a faraway country amid prolonged exile will gain encouragement from the group of ten to downplay the Promised Land’s centrality because they do not want to disrupt their lives of comfort for something as insignificant as fulfillment of the divine vision for all of human history.

Representatives of the tribes of Reuben, Simeon, Issachar, Zebulun, Dan, Naftali, Gad, Asher, Menashe, and Benjamin told reporters Wednesday that they intend to set an example for those future generations who, when push comes to shove, will prioritize their economic prospects and familiar social surroundings over the eternal values and epic story to which they pay regular lip service in ritual, liturgy, and education, but ill insist the Promised Land remains an excellent vacation destination.

“We have a responsibility here that stretches down through many generations,” explained Shammua, son of Zakkur, of Reuben. “It’s not only our own social position and fear of change we’re considering here. Our attitude going into this mission must reflect our awareness that it carries implications for all time. With the proper care and attention, we can entrench in our people the notion that the lofty ideals of homeland, belonging, and a human society that lives in the real world but embodies the divine, remain relegated to the theoretical or the merely aspirational, and never, God forbid, make real demands that require compromising on the luxuries or positions of influence to which we have become attached. Nothing wrong with visiting the country, though.”

“It doesn’t even have to wait thousands of years,” added Gaddi, son of Susi, of Menashe. “Could be just a few hundred, and a temporary exile of, say, seventy years. I can’t speak for my colleagues, of course, but serving as a precedent for them to give ad hoc justification of their refusal to return en masse from, oh, I don’t know, Babylon or something, would suit me just fine. The important thing is to treat comfort and stability as higher values than God’s explicit words.”

Ammiel, son of G’malli of Dan cautioned that those future generations will not likely cite the spies’ explicit precedent. “In fact I can see us suffering quite a blow to our reputation, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take,” he predicted. “But it’s fine with me if our distant descendants in some country that doesn’t exist yet live out our spirit even if they think they disavow it.”

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