State Dept. Replaces Jen Psaki With Copy Of Mein Kampf

Washington, DC, November 14 – State Department officials informed reporters this morning that as of next week they will replace their current spokesperson with a copy of Adolph Hitler’s political manifesto, noting that the work would communicate antipathy to Jews and the Jewish nation just effectively as Jen Psaki, but at a fraction of the cost.

Psaki has served as spokeswoman for the Department of State since February of last year, after multiple stints as communications director or press secretary for various Democratic Party campaigns and government offices, including the White House. Keeping on a person of such experience necessitates tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of dollars a year in salary and benefits. While Psaki has exhibited skill at broadcasting moral confusion and a warped ethical calculus that places Israeli victims of terrorism and the perpetrators of that terrorism on an equal moral plane, Secretary of State John Kerry and his immediate advisers concluded that such equivocations were unacceptable half-measures.

Conseqently, Psaki will be replaced next week with a new, annotated edition of Hitler’s Mein Kampf – “My Struggle” in German – that Hitler wrote while imprisoned after a failed 1925 coup attempt in Munich. Part memoir, part political philosophy, Mein Kampf lays out the future German Fuhrer’s poisonous attitude toward Jews that would form a foundation of Nazi ideology and the basis for the Holocaust fifteen years later.

The appointment of Hitler’s screed removes one of the major shortcomings of the State Department spokeswoman, namely that she strove, often awkwardly, to project the Obama administration’s pursuit of even-handedness in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, even at the expense of credibility and moral clarity. Psaki’s efforts resulted in the bizarre and disturbing equation of Israeli civilians murdered with the deaths of their murderers at the hands of security forces at the scene as “equally tragic.” Mein Kampf suffers from none of that mealy-mouthed rhetoric, unambiguously siding with the enemies of the Jews.

The shift toward open antagonism to Israel and Jews in the Obama administration has long been palpable, but this is the first instance of its extent. An earlier inquiry investigated the possibility of replacing Vice President Joe Biden with seventeenth-century Cossack leader Bohdan Chmielnicki, but foundered on basic constitutional issues.

Psaki is expected to accept a position as spokeswoman for the lobbying organization J Street.