Study: Hanukkah Shows Jews Hate Olives, Proves They Felled Trees

Jews practice the ritual burning of olive oil in increasing quantities each night over the course of the eight-day festival each year.

Hebron, December 13 – A new report by the Balestinian Academy for Linking Despised Enemies to Reprehensible Deviance And Spiteful Heinousness (BALDERDASH) claims conclusive proof that Jews are always behind the destruction of Palestinian farmers’ olive trees, using as evidence the Jewish practice of diligently burning the product of those trees during the Hanukkah festival.

An article the Journal of BALDERDASH this week lays out the evidence for the claim, including extensive photographic and video to demonstrate the obvious animosity Jews exhibit toward olive oil. By extension, say the journal authors, the phenomenon of Palestinian olive trees being cut down, torched, or otherwise vandalized can easily be pinned on the same Jews, whose culture clearly trains them to destroy anything related to the olive. Accusations of Jews cutting down Palestinian olive trees are raised frequently, but often lack actual evidence, and occur at times when it is considered unlikely for religiously observant Jews to be the culprits, such as on the Jewish Sabbath. The study authors contend that the antipathy for olives trumps the concern for actual adherence to Jewish law, making all the accusations credible again.

Jews practice the ritual burning of olive oil in increasing quantities each night over the course of the eight-day festival each year. While many light wax candles, or, more rarely, with fats other than olive oil, the latter remains the preferred fuel for the Hanukkah lights. “Indeed, the so-called miracle in the made-up Jewish temple is supposed to recall a candelabrum that burned olive oil every single day,” said the article. “It is common knowledge among Palestinian scholars that there never was a Jewish temple anywhere, and that the candelabrum on the Arch of Titus in Rome, for example, was made up. Nevertheless, even in their made-up lore, the Jews could not hide their hate for the olive.”

The BALDERDASH article also notes the common practice among Jews of burning olives in other forms. “A visit to almost any pizza establishment in the Zionist Entity will demonstrate the ubiquity of this abhorrent phenomenon,” it continued. “The most popular topping, by far, is olives, whether green or black, to the point that most Israeli pizzerias will maintain an inventory of ready-to-reheat olive slices, whereas other toppings are not necessarily ready to go into the oven at a moment’s notice. This default state of waiting to subject olives to temperatures in excess of 430 degrees centigrade (800° Fahrenheit) attests to the Jewish propensity for cruelty to the olive, and, by extension, to the trees on which it grows.”

The article notes that in terms of pizza, however, the baking of olives is still less offensive than the use of cheese that is not mozzarella.