Study Links Erectile Dysfunction With Antisemitism

The mechanism by which the erectile dysfunction occurs remains unknown.

Atlanta, April 25 – Scientists have discovered a causative connection between hatred for Jews and reduced blood flow to male reproductive organs, a medical journal is reporting.

This week’s issue of the New England Journal of Medicine cites a new study by the Centers for Disease Control that finds a direct link from antisemitism to erectile dysfunction, and uses that link to explain several significant phenomena.

A team of physicians and nurses sampled circulation in males before and after participation in organized events featuring antisemitism, and discovered that afterwards, more than two thirds of the subjects suffered from a severe reduction in blood flow to their penile tissue to the point that achieving the turgidity necessary to conduct sexual intercourse was rendered impossible without mechanical or pharmacological intervention. Erectile dysfunction persisted for an average of three weeks after the event and did eventually fade, but full erectile functionality only returned if the subject engaged in no large-scale antisemitic activity for six weeks, and even then did not reach pre-antisemitism levels. The study authors cautioned that causation was well established, but the mechanism by which the erectile dysfunction occurs remains unknown.

“While we have determined that anti-Jewish activity leads to reduced testosterone production in males and restricted blood flow to erectile tissue, we remain at a loss to explain the process,” observed lead study author Dr. Schlaff Schwartz. “But we also documented a physiological equivalence between a single, large-scale antisemitic activity such as an anti-Israel rally or sustained heckling of a Jewish speaker, and smaller, but repeated acts of antisemitism such as harassing Jews online or spraying anti-Jewish graffiti. Both types of activity had a similar result in erectile dysfunction.”

Schwartz provided a tentative suggestion for the mechanism, but warned it remains poorly understood. “Our hypothesis, if it can even be called that at this preliminary stage, points toward the idea that there’s a meta-evolutionary mechanism in play,” he elaborated. “This of course requires further rigorous testing, but we believe the brain senses that energy is being channeled toward ends that make the individual less attractive, and conserves expenditure so as not to waste blood flow and precious nutrients on parts of the body that are now less likely to be used.”

Scientists not involved in the study offered cautious praise. “While it raises fascinating questions, this research helps explain certain empirical observations,” remarked Vi Aggra, Professor of Urology at the University of Texas. “We have known for some time, for example, that proponents of the Boycott, Divest, Sanctions movement targeting Israel and only Israel are more likely to die of preventable diseases. Since as a rule BDS activists do not show consistency with their espoused principles, and do not abstain from Israeli medical or technological innovations, we know that can’t be attributed to treatment. But it’s consistent with the brain recognizing the individual is headed in a disadvantageous evolutionary direction, and working to shut that down.”

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