Taliban Now Controls 85% Of Democratic Party

“It’s sobering, to say the least, to have an entity into which we’ve put so much simply fade away as Islamists and those who bow to them assert control.”

Washington, August 15 – The rapid resurgence of the fundamentalist Islamist movement has caught American military, diplomatic, and political officials off guard and unprepared to handle it, resulting a sweeping takeover by that movement of locales and institutions that only several weeks ago were still mostly under the control of US-backed entities, such as the Democratic Party.

White House and Pentagon spokespeople scrambled over the weekend to address the collapse of a leadership group that has received tens of billions of dollars in investment over the last several decades, but that recent developments have shown remains flimsy in the face of forces that follow a fundamentalist ideology and enjoys tacit, if not outright, support, from Western progressives, the Chinese Communist Party, and the mullahs of Tehran alike.

Calls continued in some circles for the US to withdraw its presence entirely from the Democratic Party, giving it up as a lost cause in a nation-building project and an effort to bring accountable government to cultures that have known precious little of it. But the swift collapse of the leadership and strongholds in the Party as fundamentalists took over has given even those partisans some pause, since few expected the collapse to occur so quickly, thoroughly, and, some admitted, embarrassingly.

“It’s sobering, to say the least, to have an entity into which we’ve put so much simply fade away as Islamists and those who bow to them assert control,” conceded Senator Chick Schumer (D-NY). “As a loyal Democrat I obviously have fewer problems with Islamists than do my colleagues across the aisle, but I thought maybe the party would hold out longer.” Schumer declined to offer his assessment of how long the American-interest-aligned leadership of the Democratic Party will hold out against the fundamentalists, but his expression at the question turned grim.

Not everyone in the Democratic Party sees these recent developments in a negative light. “We should just let things keep going like this,” urged Congresswoman Ilhan Omar (D-MN). “It’s nobody else’s business how the culture of the Democratic Party does things, or the direction it takes. Imperialists have long sought to colonize and control it, and never learn their lesson. It’s long been a graveyard for such ambitions, which always begin with big ideas and grandiose plans to change everything, but all that happen is the US spends vast amounts of money, sacrifices countless lives, and all anyone has to show for it is body bags, a fractured polity, and disillusionment.”

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