“A clear case of ethnic cleansing.”
Yokne’am Illit, February 17 – An area high-schooler whose parents forced him to share space with his younger brother while his own space underwent redecoration called the situation a violation of international law and a clear case of ethnic cleansing, and has asked the United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees in the Near East (UNRWA) to award him the same status as Arabs who fled or were expelled from homes in what became Israel in 1947 and 1948.
Nir Shoham, 16, called a press conference in the small parking lot of his family’s apartment building Monday morning, at which he decried this violation of his human rights by his parents Itzik and Liron.
“I have lived in my room, the only home I have ever known, for as long as I can remember,” he began. “But this week, I have been brutally forced out so that other ‘powers’ can do as they wish with my native territory. This displacement at the point of a… well, not a gun, but against my will, is nothing less than ethnic cleansing – so that those people can develop the area for their own selfish ends.”
“They are committing genocide against the paint I have known since I was four!” he continued. “This unhuman treatment of my sacred space and my identity will not stand. I call on the international community to impose sanctions on the Shoham household, or even the State of Israel, to force them to restore the status quo ante. Until that is achieved, I demand to be recognized as a refugee, with all the benefits and aid that entails.”
Observers consider it unlikely that the high school sophomore will attain the coveted status of Palestine Refugee, which, unlike the standard refugee status, can be passed down in perpetuity. “The official status of Palestine Refugee requires that one, or one’s male progenitor, resided in British Mandate Palestine for at least two years prior to the establishment of Israel in 1948,” remarked Yevgeny Konstantin, Professor of International Law at Gregg Mason University and the author of Geneva Unconventions. “Still, the controls on who is and isn’t on the Palestine Refugee rolls is so pathetic that I can’t imagine there’s absolutely no way for it to happen.”
“I mean, those listings are so bloated they should be part of Fatties for Palestine,” he added. “Long-dead people, duplicates, literally hundreds of thousands who couldn’t be ‘refugees’ because they have citizenship in actual countries, which goes against the very definition of the term ‘refugee’ unless you’re a ‘Palestine Refugee’ which sounds similar but is only meant to seem that way to evoke sympathy from useful idiots.”
“So I’d say sixty-forty.”
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