Teen Wonders What Big Deal About ‘New Middle East’ If He Still Has Curfew

“Abraham Accords, my foot,” he spat, using a dismissive Hebrew idiom that literally translates as “it interests my grandmother.”

Ofakim, April 20 – A high schooler disparaged the unprecedented recent détente between Israel and several longtime Arab enemies by noting that the seismic geopolitical shift has no bearing on his mandated lights-out time.

Maor Dadon, 16, offered shrugs and disparaging comments today amid discussion of the momentous changes taking place around him, with the assessment that no realignment of former foes matters if he still has to be in the house by 10 pm each night and his device gets shut down by 11.

“Abraham Accords, my foot,” he spat, using a dismissive Hebrew idiom that literally translates as “it interests my grandmother” to downplay the emerging Israel-UAE-Oman-Bahrain economic and military alliance. “Abraham didn’t have to subject his phone to parental controls. Abraham went outside at all hours to pursue what he wanted. I don’t want to hear any nonsense about ‘a sea change in the history of Jewish-Arab relations’ when this is all irrelevant garbage. At the end of the day – literally! – I still have to be chained inside while the world and its magic are outside. All my friends stay up however late they want. I’m the loser whose parents can’t handle that I’m not a little kid anymore. I bet the ‘brave pioneers of conciliation’ in Manama, Muscat, and Abu Dhabi don’t care about this injustice either, despite their continuing lip service about Palestinian suffering.”

Dadon added that curfew represents but one in a considerable litany of injustices his parents perpetrate against him. “I have to take out trash I don’t even produce,” he lamented. “When I argue, Mom tells me I can wash dishes instead – and I didn’t use most of those dishes, either – certainly not the ones she used to prepare her awful zucchini casserole – don’t tell her I said that, I’ll be grounded for like a week; it was her mother’s recipe. I couldn’t stand when Savta made it either, but I always had to pretend it was delicious – don’t tell her that either! Oh, crud.”

“Anyway, so what that I don’t do any of the laundry or floor-washing or repair or general housekeeping? I’m a busy guy,” he continued. “You can bet none of the ‘bold, visionary’ people behind the so-called revolutionary change in Middle East dynamics have to do menial tasks or be home by some babyish hour. Spare me the ‘this-is-the-most-important-thing-to-happen-in-the-region-since-Israel-declared-statehood’ nonsense. It changed nothing. I’m still stuck here being treated like a toddler. Call me back when our supposed ‘leaders’ address that perverse situation.”

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