Tel Aviv Controllers Of Robot Rubio Pleased With Debate

Rubio’s controllers had an infamous playful moment early last year when they made their robot repeatedly reach for his water during a political speech.

Tel Aviv, February 7 – The day following the final debate among the multiple remaining Republican Party candidates, the team operating the android known as Marco Rubio expressed satisfaction with their machine’s performance.

Technicians and analysts praised the smoothness, responsiveness, and almost-life-like characteristics of the Rubio unit, which managed to capture the attention of the news media and New Hampshire audience, and engage in a convincing verbal exchange with New Jersey Governor Chris Christie while setting himself apart from the other candidates. The operators specifically cited the Rubio-bot’s ability to convincingly deliver talking points and stay on message, a feature that clearly posed a threat to Christie, who kept mentioning it.

Team Rubio, as the group styles itself, has been continually updating the software and operating system governing the android since they decided to have their creation declare a Republican presidential candidacy last year. Their project is part of a larger Elders of Zion program that controls American politics. While in the past the Elders relied exclusively on the manipulation of politicians and influential public figures via bribery, extortion, brainwashing, or simple tribal loyalty, in recent years technology has advanced to the point that developing and deploying an android in the guise of a politician is now more economical and reliable.

“We’re having a good time with this,” admitted Rubio-bot team leader Lev Golem. “Personally, I relish the challenge of keeping our creation up-to-date more or less in real time, incorporating input from polls, analysis, and audience feedback. Of course the polls are produced by a different department of this organization, but that’s what everyone uses anyway.”

Golem recalled the early days of the political android project, when a prototype called Michael Dukakis earned the Democratic nomination, in 1988. “Dukakis was famously incapable of registering emotion, which was definitely a shortcoming in a political figure,” he explained. “Naturally, that was merely an experiment, and we continued to control George H. W. Bush through the traditional means. But through the years we’ve developed more and more sophisticated units, including the Osama Bin Laden and Vladimir Putin androids. We aren’t going to let the Rubio unit win the general election, but we might play a little bit and give it the Republican nomination, if the Supreme Council gives the OK.”

Android Rubio’s controllers had an infamous playful moment early last year when they made their robot repeatedly reach for his water during a political speech, but those moments will have to become more subtle and infrequent if the charade is to continue as scheduled.

“I like what we’ve got,” said Golem’s assistant, Igor Strabolini. “It’s a little bit of a shame that in the end, the Trump-bot team is probably going to come out on top.”