Tevye The Milkman Loses Badatz Kosher Certification

“If I were rich, this wouldn’t be such a groiser problem.”

Anatevka, Ukraine, January 4 – Fabled dairy farmer Tevye Milchiger suffered a potential loss of local market share this week when the leading kashrus agency in the region revoked his products’ kosher status, the father of seven told reporters today.

The fifty-year-old dairyman told journalists at a press conference this afternoon (Monday) that representatives of the Badatz Eidah Charedis informed him this morning that because his daughter had married a non-Jew, the agency would no longer be certifying his milk and milk products as permissible under Jewish law. While the behavior of his daughter does not fall under the category of Jewish dietary law, the Badatz is keen to stipulate at the outset of any certification arrangement that other facets of halakha will be taken into account as well. Chava Milchiger eloped with a sheygetz, or non-Jewish man, and as such the organization told Tevye they could no longer be associated with his enterprise.

“If I were rich, this wouldn’t be such a groiser problem,” noted the milkman. “But it doesn’t take a Talmudic genius to derive from the way I dress that I’m no Rothschild. I sacrifice a good chunk of my revenue for the best kashrus agency around, the one whose certification everyone will accept. What do I have to show for it? Gornisht. How many householders are going to settle for plain old Rabbanut kosher? I guess I’m going to find out now.”

Tevye noted that while he might save a significant amount of money by availing his operation of the bare minimum in terms of kashrus supervision, the loss of customers with strict sensibilities will end up hurting him. “I appreciate that the Rabbinate tries to invoke leniencies that are supposed to make a proprietor’s adherence to kosher regulations easier, but the way they do it is kind of a sham,” he confessed. “The prospect of a surprise visit and inspection is all well and good, but if the mashgiach shows up once a month just to collect his check, and all he does in terms of supervision is take a look at the garbage can, it’s a joke.” Tevye said he had little problem relying on lenient interpretations of the law to permit the hiring of non-Jewish staff to do the milking, but that the other areas of laxness made him uncomfortable.

Milchiger said there used to be other organizations who offered supervision, but the politically powerful Rabbinate and Badatz – both with important connections at the Czar’s court in St. Petersburg – convinced the authorities to accept only their certification as legitimate, ostensibly to protect the consumer from “fraud.”

“It’s absurd, I know,” he said. “I sometimes wonder if maybe I’m in the wrong line of work. Maybe I should have been an kashrus inspector. Maybe I should try it. It seems like a lucrative field, with not so much effort involved, at least the way the Rabbinate practices it. I could get rich. Would that spoil some vast eternal plan?”