There’s Still Time To Record Fatah Bribes As 2015 Income

By Akru Walbaissis, CPA, Palestinian Tax Authority

The calendar already says 2016, but for us accountants, the work on 2015 has barely begun. If you haven’t filed the proper documentation for the bribes or kickbacks you gave Fatah officials last year, you should get cracking. There’s still time to record bribes, extortion payments, kickbacks, blood money, hush money, and just plain old graft for 2015.

The official Palestinian Authority fiscal year ended December 31, but not all the official documentation is ready. That gives you time to process all the illegal payments you either made or received, until the deadline at the end of next month. Whether you’re a small business owner paying protection money to a local Fatah bigwig or a high-power banker laundering your kickbacks through various “charities” and “trusts,” you’ll want to make sure you have all the necessary paperwork to disguise, explain, or conceal all those illicit dealings.

For the simple grocery store owner hoping his daughter doesn’t get raped again for his failing to come up with cash in time, the procedure is relatively straightforward: pay the goddamn money, selling a kidney if you have to in order to produce it. Write it off as a loss caused by the Occupation. You wouldn’t believe the things you’re allowed to deduct thanks to the existence of Israel! I don’t know how any household would survive without them.

For the more sophisticated corruption operation, things get a little more complex. You probably have illicit money coming in from multiple sources: protection rackets, payment for access to important officials(maybe you’re such an official yourself), generous per diem allowances from Palestinian Authority coffers for “miscellaneous” expenses, et cetera. You’ll have to keep track of the different kinds of revenue by yourself to some extent, though of course a person of your means and stature probably has someone, perhaps a staff, to handle it for you. They save you some effort, but of course you have to account for the costs associated with the maintenance of such a staff.

The more important you are, naturally, the more likely you are to find the system flexible. If you carry sufficient rank in Fatah, you might well be able to classify your 2015 graft revenue as occurring last year even beyond the deadline, with but a few well-placed additional bribes or threats. But some caution is advised: loyalists and cronies have their own records to keep, and it benefits no one to put them in a bind. So do be courteous and find out their preferences before forcing them to accrue ill-gotten monies in a given fiscal year.

I’ll be back next time to discuss the pros and cons of subsisting on the payments made by the Authority to relatives of people killed while trying to kill Jews.