Thousands Of Israelis Intentionally Planned Travel At Same Time As You

The chief concern among every single one crossing your path is how best to disrupt your movements and maximize your hassles.

Ben Gurion Airport, July 17 – A survey of the hundreds of thousands of travelers passing through Israel’s largest international airport reveals that every single one scheduled their trip to coincide with yours and subject you to longer lines, more waiting, more frustration, more traffic, and more discomfort than you would experience had hey decided to go some other time.

Pollsters from the Minna Tzemach group conducted the research and published their findings in the journal of the Committee for Organized Neutralization of Getaways, Excursions, Summer Trips, In-country and Overseas Navigation (CONGESTION) this month. According to survey coordinator Ittui Mushlam, every single non-emergency movement of persons affecting your itinerary began with the objective of disrupting your travel by rail, motor vehicle, aircraft, or other conveyance.

“I have to say they did an effective job, if perhaps not in the most efficient manner,” he remarked. “The same goal could be achieved with many fewer travelers and commuters on the roads, on trains, and in the relevant airports, and a judicious application of precise timing so as to maximize impact” on your travel experience.

The study found that whereas your priorities in scheduling the vacation or other travel focused on price, convenience, and the precise blend of activities and other pursuits to suit your purposes, the chief concern among every single other person in vehicles or otherwise crossing your path was how best to disrupt your movements and maximize your hassles.

“My main purpose is creating a scene at check-in, or possibly on the plane itself,” explained a man who plans to insist on not sitting next to any women, thereby delaying your flight. “Also, and this isn’t crucial, but I’ll seize the opportunity if it presents, is to stand up in the aisle to recite my morning prayers, thus obstructing the movement of people and carts through the aircraft and intensifying the acrimony.”

“I’m more of a demand-chocolates-from–flight-attendants kind of gal,” observed another. “I aim to cause the aircraft to turn around in midair or to land somewhere short of its destination to have me removed.”

Others planned their disruption of your movements elsewhere along your intended path. “My buddies and I will make sure to get on the road at the same time,” declared one. “There are like six dozen of us in loosely connected social and professional circles, and we’ve all decided to do the same thing simultaneously.”

Security personnel at Ben Gurion have already been briefed on which travelers ahead of you in line will be subjected to intensive inspection, but shift supervisors warned that those preparations may be preempted by a strike.

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