To Assuage Human Rights Groups, IDF To Switch To NERF Bullets

Tel Aviv, May 13 – After a comprehensive review, the Israel Defense Force has identified several areas in which it can do more to avoid violating the rights of Palestinian demonstrators, PreOccupied Territory has learned, including the use of NERF™ projectiles against rock-throwing youth.

The IDF faces violent groups of Palestinians almost daily across Judea and Samaria, groups that are outfitted with digital cameras specifically to document how the soldiers respond to provocations. Since the videos invariably do not include the often-deadly provocations themselves, Israel finds itself perpetually on the defensive about the military’s treatment of demonstrators. To forestall such unpleasantness, the IDF set out to identify and implement certain preventive measures.

A special committee that included a representative of Human Rights Watch convened over several weeks at the Ministry of Defense in Tel Aviv, and succeeded in generating several operative recommendations, chief among them the replacement of rubber bullets with NERF™ foam balls produced by the Hasbro corporation.

“The implementation of new crowd dispersal methods using NERF projectiles will demonstrate the seriousness with which the IDF views both defending itself and maintaining the highest ethical standards,” said Minister of Defense Moshe Yaalon this morning. “We have already laid out a revamped training regimen for our combat soldiers that will include proficiency in the use of NERF bullets.”

The training program will become part of basic training, he said, noting that the handling of NERF™ weapons differs dramatically from that of typical armaments. The heft, the storage of additional ammunition, and the trajectory of a fired projectile are all factors in the proper disposition and use of the equipment.

The move can also be seen as a response to Palestinian upgrades of their protest arsenal. A low-intensity arms race has characterized the conflict for decades, with each side adapting its methods to the other’s innovations. For example, Israel has countered certain Palestinian weapons enhancements with a policy of providing free medical treatment to Palestinians who cannot obtain it from local facilities.

A spokesman for Hasbro said he was unaware of the decision, but cautiously welcomed the news, as it would mean a significant increase in sales. It remains unclear for now whether the US government will allow Israel to use Foreign Military Financing funds to purchase NERF™ products.