Trump Alleges Fraud When Search For Chametz Comes Up Short

He claimed the same dark forces behind the “theft” of that presidential contest had meddled with the results of the leaven-search.

Mar-a-Lago, April 5 – The former President of the United States whose followers allege malfeasance in the counting of votes that deprived him of reelection in 2020 responded this morning to reports that his Jewish daughter and son-in-law had failed to find all ten pieces of leavened grain product they had set out the evening before as part of a pre-Passover ritual by claiming that the same dark forces behind the “theft” of that presidential contest had meddled with the results of the leaven-search as well.

“The Kushners have the best beer-cat hummus, the best,” insisted Donald Trump, referring to his daughter Ivanka and her husband Jared, but mangling the Hebrew phrase denoting b’dikat chametz, the ritual described above. “There’s no way they didn’t find all ten pieces of ham mousse, you know, that thing. It’s fake news. It’s the Democrats and the RINOs who manipulated the count. I’ve already filed motions in the courts to put a stop to this fraud.”

The Biblical festival of Passover features an admonition to rid from one’s possession leavened products involving the grains wheat, barley, oats, spelt, or rye, which in practice means any product containing those grains, in whole or ground form, that had come in contact with water and were not baked immediately. The ancient practice of searching for the leaven, or chametz, represents a formal performance of that commandment, begun on the evening before the onset of Passover itself. To ensure full performance of the commandment, the ritual has evolved to include laying out a specific number of pieces of chametz throughout the parts of one’s residence where people are known to eat, and to search those rooms or areas for those and additional chametz, which all gets burned the following morning. Collection of the full complement of chametz pieces demonstrates that the search occurred properly – but in this case, initial reports indicated, the Kushner family had found only nine of the set of ten.

“They had the best people involved,” assured Trump. “There’s no problem here, I assure you. If necessary I would have lent a hand – I have two enormous ones, as you know – but I know they’re perfectly capable not like those multiple officials I had to fire during my administration because they conspired against me after I’d hired them. The left-wing media and power-hungry Republican rivals have teamed up once again to distort the true outcome of an important, fateful count.”

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