Trump To Assure Netanyahu Of His Penis Size

The president will thus seek to establish dominance in the interaction via the move, signaling his greater masculinity.

Washington, May 17 – Aides to US President Donald Trump informed reporters today that when he meets Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu on his trip to the Middle East next week, he will make sure to stress the size of his male member in order to showcase how confident and secure he is in his manhood.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, the White House staffers told journalists that in addition to serious matters involving strategic interests the close allies share, Trump will steer the subject of the conversation toward how well-endowed he is down below. The aides explained that the president will thus seek to establish dominance in the interaction via the move, signaling his greater masculinity.

“The president will of course engage in the typical pleasantries,” indicated one aide, “and delve into matters of regional stability, defense, and the traditional American commitment to Israel’s qualitative military edge. But with those formalities out of the way, the president will focus on the historic margin of his electoral college victory, the persecution he suffers at the hands of a hostile media, and, using a ruler, will show Mr. Netanyahu just how big his hands are, to indicate just how big his penis is.”

“If it must be said, he will say it – this president does not mince words,” added a colleague. “Among the significant strategic policy and diplomatic issues on the agenda for the two leaders, Mr. Trump has insisted that due attention be given to the length and girth of his schlong – a Yiddish noun he knows quite well, and only losers misuse as a verb. He knows words – he knows the best words.”

Netanyahu’s office has not commented on the prospect of discussing Trump’s anaconda. “As a policy we do not disclose sensitive diplomatic content, of whatever size,” a spokesman asserted, in possible reference to the president’s alleged sharing with Russian officials of compromising information obtained by Israeli intelligence sources.

Trump will not be the first American chief executive to thrust his dangly bits into the conversation at every opportunity. Lyndon Johnson famously showed off his equipment and engaged in free discussion of their mass and volume with whoever would tolerate it.

Following his visit to Israel, Trump is scheduled to visit Saudi Arabia, where is intends to deliver an address on Islam. The aides revealed that as part of his speech, the president will also try to shove his one-eyed trouser snake into his remarks wherever possible.

Please support our work through Patreon.