Trump To Fund Embassy Move By Cutting Democrats’ Pensions

“The Democratic Party, I need not remind you, has been complicit in the mistreatment of our closest ally in the Middle East.”

Washington, January 23 – Monies to cover the costs of transferring the US Embassy in Tel Aviv to Jerusalem will not require unanticipated use of State Department funds, a spokesman for President Donald Trump announced today, as the expenses will be met through a new program that halves the retirement payments distributed to former government employees with membership in the Democratic Party.

Kellyanne Conway told reporters at a White House press conference that the president intends to maintain existing budgetary constraints even amid the transfer, in keeping with Republican fiscal conservatism. Instead, she explained, each month the roster of Democratic Party members will be compared against the roster of recipients of government pensions, and the entries that appear in both lists will have 50% of the amount due allocated to moving the embassy.

Conway made the remarks in response to  reporters’ questions as to the timing, wisdom, and cost of the move. “Now is the time to turn over a new leaf with our strong ally Israel,” she asserted. “The president believes one of the first moves we can make in that regard is the strongly symbolic move of our chief diplomatic facility in the country to its declared capital. For too long, the question of embassies in Jerusalem has been falsely linked to Israel’s rights to the city, rights the president accepts as unassailable. It is unconscionable that successive administrations have bowed to the threat of violence instead of righting this historic wrong.”

“As for cost,” she continued, “no breaching of existing budgetary ceilings will be necessary. Already, our staff has cross-referenced public records to determine which, if any, former federal employees currently have membership in the Democratic Party – a party that I need not remind you has been complicit in the mistreatment of our closest ally in the Middle East. That mistreatment includes legalizing Iran’s nuclear weapons program, cutting back sanctions on the same regime sworn to Israel’s destruction, ignoring official Palestinian endorsement of terrorism, and libeling Israel’s prime minister as responsible for the deterioration of US-Israel leadership ties, a deterioration whose source was none other than President Obama, the leader of the Democratic Party.”

She also noted that Democrats continued to push their anti-Israel and antisemitic agenda by electing Keith Ellison as Chairman of the Democratic National Committee, despite his links to terrorism apologists and his problematic associations with Jew-hating figures and groups. It is only just, claimed Conway, that the party responsible for such ills pay the price for inflicting them.

If in the end Trump decides not to move the embassy, noted Conway, the funds skimmed from those pension payments will be noted to the neediest sons-in-law of the president.

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