UK Labour Reassures Jews They Will Be Blamed Whether Brexit Works Or Fails

Labour will maintain its reliable attitude toward the Jewish community no matter the outcome of negotiations.

Credit: Chris McAndrew via Wikimedia Commons

London, November 15 – Opposition leaders in the United Kingdom sought to assuage Jewish concerns over anticipated antisemitic backlash over Britain’s imminent step away from the European Union, stating that whether or not the process succeeds, their members and allies will scapegoat the Jews for any resulting unpleasantness.

A spokeswoman for Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn issued a statement to various Jewish organizations today, containing a guarantee that Labour will maintain its reliable attitude toward the Jewish community no matter the outcome of the “Brexit” negotiations and implementation, specifically mentioning that Labour will characterize any resulting prosperity and sovereignty as occurring either despite Jewish perfidy or only because Jews manipulated the process for their own profit, whereas if Brexit brings economic or political misfortune, the party will attribute same to Jewish sabotage.

“We wish to affirm our commitment to the Jewish community,” the letter asserted. “No matter the immediate or longer-term effects of Britain’s departure from the Union, to whatever degree that takes place, Labour will remain consistent towards the Jews of Britain: we will seek a way to accuse the Jews either of undermining efforts to make the move a success, or of engineering the entire process to benefit themselves at the expense of British society at large. Our consistency in this matter will not waver.”

The announcement elicited sighs of relief. “It’s reassuring to know we can count on some people,” admitted Ken Livingstone, a Labour stalwart and former Mayor of London. “For many longtime members of this party, the prospect of changing our rhetoric toward Jews based on whether we find Brexit positive or negative carried an unpleasant connotation of not treating antisemitism as axiomatic to our ethos. On behalf of so many of us, then, I thank Mr. Corbyn for this important clarification.”

Concern over the potential shift in Labour discourse regarding Jews spread beyond Britain’s borders. “It’s one thing to have Jeremy describe us and [Palestinian Islamic terrorist group] Hamas as his friends,” explained Hezbollah chief Hasaan Nasrallah in Beirut. “That’s all well and good, but leaves open the loathsome possibility that Labour antipathy for Jews extends only to Zionists. I speak for myself, my organization, and our patrons in Tehran when I say we are relieved to receive this guarantee.”

Jewish leaders were unavailable for comment, presumably because they were busy plotting to exploit the Brexit uncertainty for their own gain and in the process undermine British civilization.

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