Uncoordinated Assassination Squads Gave Arafat’s Polonium Poisoning AIDS

The man died from a boring old infection a few months later instead.

Ramallah, July 18 – An investigation into past operations by Israel against high-profile enemy leaders found this week that two teams, each operating without knowledge of the other, wound up neutralizing each other’s efforts to kill Palestine Liberation Organization Chairman and Palestinian President Yasser Arafat, with the first group successfully irradiating the man with a deadly radioactive isotope, but failing to cause his death as expected because a second team them successfully injected him with the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV), which, instead of ravaging his body, attacked the radioactive material and canceled out its effects.

The official probe resulted in a report that expressed 90% certainty of the scenario: Team One managed to plant Polonium 210 in Yasser Arafat’s limousine, causing him to suffer enough exposure to guarantee long-term deterioration of his bodily systems. However, the hoped-for radiation sickness never materialized, because Team Two, unaware that Team One had any such operation afoot, soon afterwards hit Arafat with a dissolving dart that infected him with the AIDS pathogen – or so they thought, because in fact the virus invaded the Polonium and stopped its effects. Yasser Arafat died in a French hospital of an unknown infection in 2004, at the age of 75.

In the years since, the conspiracy-theory-prone anti-Israel rabble have made numerous accusations that Israel had killed Arafat, because as everyone knows, if not for Jews, everyone would live forever and no one would suffer the infirmities of old age. Others less sympathetic to the Palestinian cause have suggested Arafat had AIDS, with heavy implications and innuendos that the man engaged in homosexual activity – a severe taboo in Islamic societies.

A declassified report from 2014, released in redacted form this week, showed that Mossad investigators are virtually certain that both rumors are true, even if the official reports and investigations by medical teams after Arafat’s death made no mention of AIDS, and an earlier set of tests that found abnormal levels of Polonium in his remains was later refuted.

The report detailed some portions of a December 2003 mission to implant Polonium in Arafat’s car by using a form of the metalloid that can dissolve in petroleum. They then arranged for the specific fueling station serving Arafat’s exclusive car to hold that high concentration of the material. Prolonged exposure to the Polonium was aimed at causing his death. The only confirmed use Polonium as an assassination method involved Alexander Litvinenko, a Russian defector whom Vladimir Putin ordered killed.

The day after Arafat’s exposure, however, an undercover squad of Israeli agents used a specially-modified sniper rifle to shoot the Palestinian leader in the neck with a needle that embedded itself in the skin and dissolved, releasing HIV. But the HIV infected the Polonium atoms instead of Arafat’s bloodstream T-cells, resulting in the man dying from a boring old infection a few months later instead.

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