UNRWA Faces Pig Lipstick Shortage In Nazi Sympathizer Coverups

“This whole fiasco, which I have asked the media to ignore, is why I called this press conference.”

Not Chris Gunness.

Jerusalem, August 28 – A spokesman for the United Nations agency that cares for Palestinian refugees issued an urgent call for international assistance Friday, saying that the organization is running short of materials with which to conceal or make cosmetic changes to the rampant phenomenon of teachers in its employ who openly call for terrorism against Jews and who sympathize with Nazi ideology.

Chris Gunness appealed to donors to the United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees (UNRWA) to provide emergency funding toward lipstick for the the agency’s herds of swine, noting that the constant need to apply the cosmetics to the animals in order to make them look better has drained UNRWA’s stock, and they now require an infusion of at least $400 million to continue. He blamed right-wing organizations for the shortage, saying it would not be necessary to apply the lipstick to the pigs if not for the smear tactics of groups and individuals opposed to UNRWA’s work who insist on finding and publicizing Facebook images uploaded by teachers and principals at UNRWA schools.

“We have to waste valuable resources making all these cosmetic changes instead of investing in the students’ future,” lamented Gunness. “We ran out of band-aids two months ago, and have had to use more expensive measures such as pig lipstick. Warmongering bloggers such as Elder of Ziyon and troublemaking organizations such as UN Watch keep pointing out how UNRWA doesn’t follow its own guidelines or disciplinary procedures, forcing us to expend our limited resources on pretending those aren’t real teachers, that the offending schools have been closed, that somebody faked the alleged images, or that auditing and disciplinary procedures have actually taken place. They’ve put us in a very difficult position.”

Gunness explained that in addition to the basic cover-up procedures that UNRWA undertakes when such teachers are exposed – such as asking the account holder to take down the offending images, or temporarily closing the school associated with the image until the brouhaha dies down – he has now been forced to expend even more resources trying to dig up dirt on those who publicize those violations of UNRWA’s own neutrality regulations. “This organization has important work to do that does not involve attempting to distract from its inherent anti-Israel bias by slinging mud at people who expose that bias. This whole fiasco, which I have asked the media to ignore, is why I called this press conference.”

At press time, Gunness was ignoring questions from reporters who asked why he was violating transparency and neutrality principles by blocking people on Twitter who discuss, or merely link to mentions of, UNRWA’s faults, if such reporters existed.