US Urges Israel To Put Amona Evacuees In Reservations

“The State should spend generations deceiving them, depriving them, and occasionally throwing them a bone or two.”

Washington, December 19 – Top American diplomats recommended that Israel follow the United States’ lead in treatment of people forcibly removed from areas of their homeland, specifically advising that the 40 families slated to be taken away from the settlement outpost of Amona in the next week be placed in squalid, resource-poor reservations far removed from the sites of their heritage and then subjected to more than a century of neglect, poverty, and cultural appropriation.

Secretary of State John Kerry and several senior figures in the State Department called on the government of Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu to follow the same course the US has historically followed in its treatment of the indigenous population, and invited the prime minister to take an informational tour of Indian Reservations throughout the US for a closer look at how such a program would be implemented.

“For more than two centuries, we have played a prominent role in the displacement, forced relocation, and abuse of indigenous peoples,” boasted Kerry. “Israel now has an opportunity to emulate our achievements in that regard, by taking the Amona residents from the parcel of their homeland they inhabit and forcing them, with violence or the threat thereof, to take up residence elsewhere, ideally to a desolate place far removed from the original location, where the State can spend generations deceiving them, depriving them, and occasionally throwing them a bone or two.”

“It doesn’t have to end with the mere relegation of the Amona families to a reservation,” explained Undersecretary of State for the Middle East and North Africa George Armstrong Custer. “To replicate the American experience, Israel should also play the double game in which our culture has long indulged: portraying that population as hostile, uncivilized, and threatening to stability, life, and limb, yet romanticizing their ethos and lifestyle as noble, authentic, and otherwise admirable for its simplicity and devotion to the land.”

Custer noted that Israeli culture, especially on the Left, has already made strides in that direction. “There’s an idealization of the early Zionist pioneers there, alongside an insistence that such values and attachment to the land no longer have a place, or are downright primitive, in the modern age,” he noted. “All Israel needs to do now is formalize that attitude with areas like our Indian reservations, and they can keep those dangerous primitives at a safe distance where the romance and simple nobility of the settler life can be embraced in the abstract without practical implications that carry risk for the liberal zeitgeist.”

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