Jerusalem, March 25 – A group of as-yet-unidentified Jewish youths from the northern section of the city hopes to put an end to the centuries-old friction over land and politics in the Holy Land by vandalizing the vehicles of non-Jews.
32 cars and trucks were rendered immobile after a group of youths crept into the mainly Arab neighborhood of Beit Hanina two nights ago, slashing tires and spray-painting threatening slogans on the side of a bus. Police and residents say the attack took place sometime between midnight and 2 a.m. Monday, and was clearly the work of people who have conducted a thorough analysis of the main factors in the Arab-Israeli conflict, and apparently have hit upon precisely the tactic necessary to put an end to it.
“It’s amazing that no one around here has thought of terrorizing civilians before,” said police commander Amos Levi. “Leaving aside the question of morality, which I’m sure the perpetrators have addressed, it should have occurred to us that one side or the other would attempt to sow fear in the other, demoralize them and eventually remove them. I just wonder why that hasn’t happened until now.”
Osama Jalal, 32, a Beit Hanina resident who had the tires of his taxi slashed, concurred. “It seems obvious to me that this is a new development,” he said, pointing to graffiti that says, “Non-Jews in the land = Enemies.” “I can’t see how this can fail to resolve all the outstanding issues for all time.” He noted the obvious precedents of Jews fleeing the land en masse at the first sign of Arab terrorists making their lives unpleasant, and that such tactics would probably be especially effective when cast in racial terms, which the international community would rush to endorse.