Vienna Brothels Demand Another Iran Talks Extension

They expressed regret that the US team had only brought a small contingent of Secret Service personnel.

Vienna, July 8 – A spokesman for the Austrian capital’s prostitution industry today petitioned the parties involved in negotiations over Iran’s nuclear program to keep the talks going past the latest deadline.

After a framework agreement was signed in May, the US-led powers seeking an agreement over inspections, uranium enrichment, economic sanctions, and other difficult areas of disagreement with the Islamic Republic have tried repeatedly to reach a final accord, resetting the deadline for an agreement several times, but such a goal has proved elusive. In the meantime, the presence of Iran’s negotiating team in Vienna has coincided with booming business for the city’s brothels, leading an industry group to seek yet another extension of the talks so that the period of prostitutional prosperity continues.

Hans Jobbs, of the Wien House Of Romantic Escapades (WHORE), told reporters that the 14 establishments, 54 pimps, and 116 independent prostitutes for whom he represents agree unanimously that in the absence of a final agreement the negotiating parties must persist, and remain in Vienna as long as possible to ensure a comprehensive and realistic accord.

“Vienna’s sex workers and establishments wish to remind the negotiating teams of the city’s lush offerings, and to make the esteemed representatives of those governments realize there is no reason to rush things,” he said. “The members of WHORE would be more than willing to spend time with the various negotiating staffs to help them gain familiarity with those offerings, and help persuade them of the benefits of another deadline extension.”

Jobbs gave special encouragement to the Iranian negotiating staff, praising them for their willingness to engage in long, hard sessions. “It takes stamina, real endurance, to engage in these activities day after day, night after night,” he said, “and we would hate for this endeavor to just flop.”

If an agreement is in fact reached by July 10, Vienna’s prostitutes hopes Iran’s negotiators stick around for some time. “They work hard – always getting busy,” said WHORE associate Rectl Lube. “The Iranian team deserve some time off from all that back-and-forth in the negotiating room – perhaps [Iranian Foreign Minister] Zarif has to go back to Tehran to report on the deal, and confirm that his staff has taken care of business, but that doesn’t mean the rest of the delegation to the talks has to pull out so quickly.”

She expressed regret that the US team had only brought a small contingent of Secret Service personnel.