Vizzini Mum On Whether Trump Asked Him To Be Secretary Of State

Experts are divided on both the authenticity of the reports and the wisdom of the move if they are substantiated.

Washington, December 1 – Representatives of an accomplished Sicilian international operator declined to offer comment on circulating rumors that he has been contacted by President-elect Donald Trump with inquiries as to whether he would agree to serve as Secretary of State in the upcoming administration.

Reports emerged over the last two days that Vizzini, known for skilled negotiating and an uncanny ability to determine the motives and thinking of his interlocutors, has been short-listed for the key cabinet post, joining the ranks of Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani, and other high-profile Republicans. Vizzini and his staff, however, have remained tight-lipped on those talks, if in fact they are taking place.

“It’s a prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition,” allowed the aide. “But the media has consistently fallen for many of the classic blunders in covering the campaign and its aftermath, so restraint and silence are probably your best course of action right now. Wondering about what Mr. Vizzini is doing, and what his fate will be under a Trump administration, could hardly be a matter of concern, considering the dire state of affairs in your industry, and what Mr. Trump has planned for you lot once he takes office. Of all the necks on this boat, the ones you should most be worried about are your own.”

Experts are divided on both the authenticity of the reports and the wisdom of the move if they are substantiated. “He might make a competent secretary of state, but the move would raise interesting Constitutional challenges, for example in the case of Amendment 25 being invoked,” observed legal scholar Jay Dee. “Vizzini isn’t a natural-born US citizen, but I cannot see him quietly allowing himself to be passed over.”

Others voiced more serious doubts. “Here’s a guy who couldn’t keep his staff focused on their mission well enough to do their job,” argued Max Merckle. “His skills as a motivator leave something to be desired, and that’s not the kind of person you want in charge of your entire diplomatic corps. I can think of several better choices who are already being considered, plus one or two who aren’t in the running as far as I can tell. I don’t think it’ll work – it would take a miracle.”

“That Count Rugen seems like a much better choice to me,” he added. I’d throw my own hat in the ring – I’ve been known to work a miracle or two in my time – but why would Trump want someone the king’s stinking son fired?”

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