We’re Sorry You Don’t Deserve Attention Because Your Occupation Isn’t Done By Jews

by The United Nations Human Rights Council

Geneva, March 1 – Bureaucracy moves slowly by nature, but the time has come for us to apologize nevertheless: we, the members of the United Nations Human Rights Council, express our regret that your land faces occupation by people who are not of the Hebraic persuasion, and therefore must remain ignored or mentioned only as tokens when our singular focus on Israel becomes untenable even for our Jew-hating audiences.

This Council formed less than two decades ago to replace the Human Rights Committee, a body that devolved into uselessness amid the machinations of undemocratic regimes to coopt it to deflect criticism of their own behaviors by focusing on Israel. In the years since, the same nations have accomplished the same outcome with the Council, such that, unfortunately, if the people occupying you aren’t Jews, tough luck. May be you can tie your cause to the Palestinians, but don’t hold your breath waiting for anyone to get around to doing anything about your pathetic non-Jew-oppressed ass. You have to have reasonable expectations. Expecting us to care when you lacked the foresight to be oppressed by Jews instead of anybody else isn’t reasonable.

Certain individual members of the Council definitely make all the correct noises about concern for the plight of those under non-Jewish occupation. In conducting the business of the Council, however, none of that has any relevance. Can you imagine the naïvety of the Biden administration, thinking they can “reform” this body by being on it? Pull the other one, Joe. You Americans couldn’t do anything with our previous incarnation; you couldn’t do anything when you were part of this Council in the years before Trump; you can’t do anything now, either. It’s structurally impossible. Come on, occupied-by-non-Jews people, even you have to admit it’s funny. Clowns.

It isn’t as if we simply don’t notice your occupations; it’s that we simply don’t care. We stand to gin nothing politically, diplomatically, or domestically by allowing non-Jewish occupations to take center stage; our domestic and regional agendas dictate that all anger focus on the Jewish state in our midst, and your pathetic Chinese, Moroccan, Russian, Turkish, or whatever occupation does nothing but distract from that purpose. You’ll have to find some other international body empowered to examine human rights throughout the world.

Oh, you say there aren’t any others? Bummer. Next time, get yourselves occupied by Jews, and we won’t have to have this pointless discussion.

Please support our work through Patreon.