White House Expresses “Deep Disappointment” That It Has No Balls

Washington, DC, March 26 – Saudi Arabia denied a visa to a Jerusalem Post reporter who was to accompany President Barack Obama on the latter’s upcoming trip, prompting the White House to register its chagrin that it lacked the guts to confront the monarchy directly on its discriminatory policies.

In a statement, the White House said it had “deep disappointment” over Saudi Arabia’s decision and its own apparent lack of testicles. Having such anatomical features might have enabled the administration to call the kingdom on its unacceptable behavior, but as the White House has no balls, it was rendered incapable of summoning of the courage to defend the principles it claims to have.

The same lack of cojones has plagued the Obama administration in its dealings with other Middle East figures, notably Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, who has continually refused to commit to a formula that would leave Israel secure as a Jewish state. Instead of taking a courageous stand and displaying integrity by drawing an actual line, the White House has highlighted its own emasculated position by letting a corrupt, incitement-fueling autocrat pretending to democratic authority scuttle prospects for a meaningful resolution of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, allowing Abbas not to concede a thing and laying the onus on Israel to compromise on points crucial to its survival.

Lack of White House balls similarly affects the administration’s handling of Iran, which has been characterized by a steadfast American refusal to impose real consequences on Iran for the Islamic Republic’s persistent intransigence over its nuclear program. Repeated White House refusals to take a harder line with Tehran have convinced Iran – and erstwhile American allies in the Middle East – that the US cannot serve as a reliable guarantor of their security in the face of Iranian determination to the contrary.

Beyond the Middle East, the White House’s manifest gutlessness has affected its handling of the crisis between Russia and Ukraine, with the president specifically ruling out military intervention to check Russian expansionism, even at the expense of Ukraine, ostensibly an American ally. Other neighbors of Russia, feeling threatened, are showing concern that the most the White House has been able to muster is a raft of unproven sanctions  – which did not work to sway Iran – and stationing a few dozen US military jets in countries bordering Russia.

Displaying a comical lack of self-awareness, President Obama yesterday characterized Russia’s behavior as born of weakness.