“He has moments of lucidity; he gets this look of abject horror.”
Washington, January 9 – Aides to the lame-duck chief executive have no intention of telling him that he has vacated his position come January 20th, insiders disclosed today, instead allowing him to assume that he has taken just one more extended vacation to Delaware.
If all goes well, the staffers revealed, Joe Biden will remain clueless that he is to leave office, and they do not plan to disabuse him of the notion that he remains the President of the United States.
“It would confuse and upset him, for the few moments that he could grasp what we were getting at,” one aide explained. “It wouldn’t last long, because he’d forget it right away, but in that moment, it would be cruel. He doesn’t need to know. There’s no reason to make him go through that. Certainly not all the time, and I would hope not more than once, if ever.”
First Lady Jill Biden has taken the lead on the initiative to keep the aged president in the dark. An assistant to Mrs. Biden told reporters that no change needs to occur in the way anyone treats the outgoing president. “No one told him what was going on during his presidency as it is,” the assistant acknowledged. “It’s his advisers who have been running the show more or less since January 2021. Why mess with a good thing? It’s not like he can drop out of another election.”
Technically, the assistant admitted, Mr. Biden could stand for election in 2028, a scenario they have not prepared to address. “Honestly, we’re all just assuming he’ll be dead by then,” she confessed.
Assessments among the staff vary as to Biden’s awareness that he ever pulled out of the 2024 presidential race – or even that he as in it to begin with. “He must have figured it out at some point,” observed one aide. “Most of us think he has these moments of lucidity and he remembers exactly what’s been happening. We can tell because he gets this look of abject horror on his face.”
Another aide disagreed. “That’s just his ‘I’m about to poop may pants again’ look,” she retorted. “He still thinks he’s the vice president. That doesn’t matter so much, because everyone is on the same page when it comes to last-minute ways of sticking it to Israel and the American-Jewish community. That kind of thing doesn’t require full presence of mind when it’s reflexive at this point.”
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