You’re Concerned About ‘Destabilizing’ Me – Have You Seen Me, Like, Ever?

by the Middle East

The Middle East, May 12 – It’s so touching to see Western – and some non-Western – figures express their worries that certain moves against or by entities in my neighborhood will disrupt my stability, and such pronouncements make me wonder: have you people ever even looked at me? Where has there ever been this stability you so strongly seek to protect? It’s like you don’t even know me. And never did.

Perhaps some specific examples will help you understand my confusion. Lebanon, where an on-again-off-again sectarian conflict has raged for fifty years, ranks high on the list of places so many worry will devolve into instability if anyone takes any major action in favor or against one of the principal groups in that paralyzed disaster of a state. But Allah forbid anyone do anything that might destabilize the hunky-dory status quo!

Syria. Hoo boy. Things were beginning to settle into a routine of massacres, war crimes, corruption, and political weakness. It wouldn’t be wise, warn the pundits, for Israel to take any provocative action to prevent Hezbollah from acquiring strategic weapons, or Iran from gaining a stronger foothold in Assad’s territory. Who knows what could happen! Because the way things are now, well, don’t mess with it. You don’t know how good you have it, with only half a million Syrians dead and millions more displaced or exiled! Mustn’t destabilize things.

Yemen. The civil war there would be a peaceful affair if not for outside intervention by Saudi Arabia. Just let Iran proxies take control, or risk instability. Couldn’t have that.

Iraq. Yes, the picture of stability. Almost as stable as Afghanistan! Let’s not undermine that, please. Wouldn’t want any warring guerrilla factions, a weak central government, Iranian influence, and sectarian resentments born of decades or centuries of oppression to appear out of nowhere.

Ah, yes, Iran. That avatar of minding your own business and not stirring up trouble. Diplomats caution not to provoke them, or they might continue developing nuclear weapons and the technology to deliver those weapons, and all that precious stability we’ve enjoyed will go right down the tubes if you don’t make it easier for them to achieve that. You wouldn’t want them fomenting terrorism, underwriting attacks on Western targets, or harassing Western shipping in the Gulf, which they would NEVER do if they enjoyed the increased power atomic weapons afford them, now, would you? Stability.

And Israel. How dare she build homes for Jews – that will destabilize the paradise we’ve achieved! You never know what kind of hell will break loose if Jews are allowed to exercise full sovereignty in their ancestral homeland. It could only be worse than the way things are now, in which Palestinians keep trying to kill as many Jews as possible.

Jesus, have you people ever read a thing?

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