PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

Israel is both a fragile client state dependent on Washington’s largesse and an all-powerful lobby that puppeteers the entire U.S. government.

The For Olim - Overdue Decency (FOOD) Party promises to impose standards.

“We have standards."

"I'll have to ask my off-the-derekh friend abou- I mean, if I had any off-the-derekh friends, I could ask them about it.”

"They're going to need a much more impressive collection of DVDs before anyone takes them seriously."

"This is basically Reform. I doubt it's even halakhically valid.”

By Raúl Uribe, Deputy Minister of Ideological Facepalms

Hezbollah called the new measure “toothless,” unaware of how how right and wrong they were at the same time.

An impressed Lucifer could mutter only, "Damn. Literally."

Working slogan: "Get a different view of the floating mines!”